Greetings, class. Welcome to Second Life History 101. Hail Linden.
Though it may seem difficult for members of your generation to comprehend, the birth of our nation was fraught with its own unique pangs. True, other countries in the Old World had suffered some during their inception. France had its Reign of Terror. America withstood Shay's Rebellion. Luxembourg battled The Badger That Would Not Die. States, like people, often arrive kicking and screaming and slimy into the world.
Of course, in the beginning there were some who would have liked nothing more than to cut Second Life out of the bountiful belly of the Internet. These coat hanger critics could have nipped our nation in the proverbial bud had they not been roundly denounced by clearer heads. Why, those churlish chuffs couldn't even understand why sex crimes should be punishable in Second Life! Philistines! Boors! All of them!
Thankfully, you belong to a more enlightened age, when the finer points of metaversal manners are well understood. And as residents of the State of Second Life, it is important that you learn the history of our world, so that you might know whence we came.
Today, we will study the early years of Second Life, when, like so many other frontiers, it was dominated by pioneers, playboys, and plunderers. Please open your books to Chapter 1.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Second Life Safari highlights a magical and mystical adventure through the bowels of the Internet. We take a look behind the scenes of "Second Life," and present to you the things all other media outlets are too embarrassed to show. Social networking hits another new low, and can only be seen in Second Life Safari.