We created the Second Life Safari because when the mainstream media covers Second Life they dance about madly and act as if an economically active virtual world is the greatest thing to happen to anyone ever. Publications like the New York Times ignore the rank, semen-stained underbelly of Second Life, perhaps because so much of it is unprintable.

In any case, they miss a lot of journalistic windfalls. They're can't talk about the truly juicy stuff that is going on in Second Life, which we love to report on!

But not everyone likes what we do. Take BabyWolfie, who didn't appreciate our visit to BabyTiger's den, which we chronicled in the last update.

Last week, BabyWolfie and I had a "Seriouse" chat about Second Life, "ISP Rights", and what it takes to slay a dragon. He's a darling little diaper wearing furry. The best thing about him, though, is that he's not just any old yiffing fucktard. He's a Second Life employee. Specifically, a "Live Instructor", who gets paid to teach newbies to script. They must be desperate if they're hiring someone with the identity--and writing comprehension--of a baby animal. Intrigued yet? Read on!


From: BabyWolfie
Subject: about a Article
Body:
Greetings, I have recently been in formed in Second life about a webpage from this site, http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4206&p=2 That invides the Second Life's ToS in two Sections, First Priavcy And Second Copy Right based on artwork and Work that had no permission to be posted on this site, I am BabyWolfie in the second life a Offical Live Instructors, I was very displeased when I seen my friends Nice work and nice home was Turned into a huge Mockery, I ask that remove this acritcle along with this article http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4206&p=4 due to very ToS Based on Second lifes agreements, I have aready contacted the lindens about this, And they invisigateing this, They agreed it was in brech of copy right and privacy strandeds, But I am requesting these articels be removed for false lies and Mockery of the creatity of others wich is just wrong, This is not just some game, people live in this world and do this for a living, this article is downing business and mocking the creatity of Second Life, As a WebMaster I hope you will understand how importain this is, and have a Kind heart to remove these two. Because its not something awfull, those guys make it seem like its something that is it not. Please Sir or Ma'am Owner webmaster of this Site, I ask with great kindness that you understand my reasons to send this email to you, please reply and we can discuss or talk about this, I would really apprcauite hearing from you, Thankyou For your time and I appoglise for any inconivtions I may have caused PS Sorry for the bad spelling, I'm one of the youngest Live instructors in second life, I'm use to team speak, Age 18 heh.

MY STARS! I was downing business and mocking creativity! I had infringed upon the privacy and copyright of others! At least, that's what I got after I ran this through my Babelfish "Idiot-to-English" translator. But even though the words made [slightly more] sense, I couldn't figure out exactly how I had infringed upon privacy by walking through a virtual, uninhabited mansion whose doors were always left open. The only polite thing to do, of course, was to email BabyWolfie back and figure out exactly what "inconivtions" he had caused me.

From: Petey @ Something Awful
Subject: Re: about a Article
Body:
Greetings and salutations to you, BabyWolfie!

Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka forwarded me your message about the article I wrote for Something Awful Limited Liability Corporation. I guess I was wrong, because I thought that "limited liability" meant we were immune to certain Things on the Internet, like lawsuits and furries. But after careful consultation with Something Awful lawyer Leonard J. Crabs (ESQ.) (J.D.) (E.G.), I have determined that I am, in fact, incorrect. This is good, for while I do not enjoy being incorrect, I hate it more when my Internet is broken and I have to call the nice people at AOL so they can come and fix it. The last time this happened, my computer kept on saying that it did not see my modem, even after I tore the damned thing from its innards and held it in front of my webcam, which, of course, is the way a computer sees. Not many people know this, but webcams are much like human eyes--even yours, BabyWolfie! There are, of course, some differences. For exampe, webcams are usually encased in plastic, and sometimes women get naked in front of them!

But back to the matter at hand. I am sorry for invading your friend's privacy. I guess I was confused by the open doors and lack of armored guards! In my opinion, no house should ever be without an armored guard or four. Once I grow up and get a job and establish myself in a small suburban town where my wife can send simmering glances towards the strangely seductive mailman on a daily basis, I plan on buying a bear and a chicken and putting them on either side of my door to guard against intruders (and the mailman). But I don't know if they (the bear and the chicken) would fight and if so who would win. My friend Australian Dan said a bear would not beat a chicken in a fight but he is Australian and sometimes he thinks upside down. You know about Terms of Service and Copy Right and things like that--do you know if a bear would beat a chicken in a fight? If so please tell me so I can put the matter to rest in my heart.

Also I am intrigued when you say that people live in this world. Do you mean like the Matrix? Because if so would you teach me how to live in this world too? I always wanted to fly so that I could go home on the weekends or maybe just kind of float across the room to get the remote. I guess if I could fly though I would just fly directly to the T.V. and never need to change the batteries in a remote control ever again! But I would like to fly because I think I would be good at it. When I dream about falling I never wake up--I always bounce! The only logical correlation that I can make is that when I fly I become invincible, and I would like to become invincible so then I could slay dragons and write songs about it.

Do you have any dragons in your Matrix?

Sincerely,

--Petey


Man oh man, what I wouldn't give for a chance to slay a dragon in the Matrix! I would do a good job of it too, because unlike Keanu Reeves I don't think my acting would consist of simply going "woah" whenever anything mildly unexpected happened. I think I'd go for the more "HOLY FUCKING SHIT AWW HELL NAW" route. Some people might call it overstated and hyperbolic. Do you know what those people are? Baby eating Holocaust deniers.

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