State Og

Catering to highbrow individuals blessed with a refined taste, State Og is a delightful treat for both the eyes and one of the nipples. Special thanks this week go to: Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell.

The List

No one likes terrorists. If assholes were donuts, terrorists would be humongous donuts. It's hard enough for us to balance a career and our friends and family, but now we have to get blown up too? No thank you! That's just plain inconvenient.

Like it or not, though, we cannot simply close our eyes and wish really hard for the terrorists to disappear. Stephen Thompson in our Rare Lamps department already used up his three wishes doing just that to the dinosaurs, dodo birds, and dodo fish so it's a little too late. Wouldn't it be great if there were some way to tell the terrorists you're not interested? Well now there is!

With State Og's national Do Not Terrorize list, we're compiling a registry of folks like you who are fed up with the hassle of unsolicited terrorism. Sign up today and if you are terrorized at any point in the future the organization responsible will be obligated by law to pay you upwards of a hundred dollars. If you are somehow terrorized again, they'll be forced to hand over two hundred dollars, and so on.

The terrorists will soon realize that they simply cannot afford to take a scattershot approach to bombing innocent civilians, and will be forced to focus their attacks on the poor individuals who lacked the foresight to sign up for our list.

Please note that you are not eligible for the list if you opt in to any terrorist campaigns. While this may seem improbable, keep an eye out the next time you fill out a magazine subscription card or create an account on a commercial website for suspicious items like the following:

While this could very well be a terrorist organization with entirely too much ice cream that is simply looking to free up room in their warehouse, it's best not to take the chance.

State Og Translation Services

Am your businesses in needs of text conversional helpwith? Well don't. Worry anymore!

That is correct, State Og Translation Services smoother your business internationally. If you am in Kentucky and want to make sale at West Virginia, how? HOW? Here comes I tell you. For nominal free, State Og Translation Services gaps the bridge between cultures and allows you talk.

It not only providing service to individual groups but groups as well. Money income from such acts is impressive to all, so do not wait for more longer. Need a convince? Take these examples.

Example #1

I have one orange but my customer is Korean. Time to give up, right? Wrong! I call State Og and they translate back to forth.

I say "The orange costs twelve cents."

Now I just only wait six to eight weeks for translation process.

Then customer hears "What language do you speaking?"

Now he waits six to eight weeks.

Then customer hears "That orange is been sold."

Example #2

Example #3

Customer and you both speak same language. This is big problem because now it easy for them stealing your secrets. It may sound polaroid, but last year 100% of thefts were from stealings. With State Og Translation Services between customers and you, there is now suddenly a wall which they cannot breach and you cannot escape. The ideal solution!

State Og Translation Services: It's yes!

- State Og Representative

– State Og Representative

More State Og

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.