First off, let me explain that it was very difficult to narrow down the number of "prime" emails below 20, as all of them were so magnificent and beautiful in their delusional grandeur. We got flames from the hardcore D&D fans, the hardcore Bioware fans, and the hardcore "let's use our heads as crude tools that may break open locked car doors" fans. I, once again, had too much hope and faith in humanity, mistakenly believing that PC users wouldn't be as stupid as the previous victims of TruthMedia Review gags. When will I ever learn?
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Like always, I have decided to include photos of what I imagine the people writing the flames look like. I feel this lends some gravity and meaning to their messages. Also I'm fairly convinced that the police will find Jon Benet Ramsey's killer.
From: Chris Kubik
Oh damn you, Chris Kubik! You had a meticulous 20 year "no reply" record and then you so casually threw it all away by carelessly sending us an email!! The Guinness Book of World Records will now have to look for another person who has been gaming for the longest amount of time without a single reply to a game review! On a happier note, you just made it into the Big Dope Hall of Fame that all TruthMedia fans fall into once they send us flame mail. I'll just continue to update this "rookie site" while you go back to "ejaculating inside a stuffed Blue's Clues doll."
Next up comes a short but sweet morsel from concerned reader "Russ" who asks the question on all our minds. No, he doesn't ask why the Kansas City Royals paid Chuck Knoblauch $2 million a year to be fat and injured.
Why would you ask such a thing, Russ? Are you looking to date somebody your age?
Let's move on to the next literary gem, a letter which once again redefines "comedy" by brutally pouncing on our domain name, "Something Awful," and changing it into a completely unexpected insult! Buckle up your seatbelts because this is going to be a bumpy ride!
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.