From: Abal[email protected]
See, now this guy was being helpful; he posted a link to the review in question at the bottom of his email! We can't begin to count the times a person has wrote in, critiquing an article we wrote days before, and failed to include the URL to the article we wrote! Sometimes we even forget what website we're writing for and attempt to upload our articles to www.microsoft.com, who always fails to publish them. WHY MICROSOFT, WHY?
Let's move to greener pastures and the exciting world of Jørgen Vik, a person who has the wonderful ability and superpower of having that silly little "ø" character in their name, which I think implies they are either a cyborg or Hitler or possibly both.
From: Jørgen Vik
"Fucking retards, I would like to kill you and your family" is how they say "hello and good morning" in Norway. It's Norwegian! Now you have learned the language of love and for that you will always owe us, hopefully with some kind of money. I'm not sure if "psycho" was expressing his desire to kill all retards or just us, but either way I think it's fairly safe for us to start fearing for our very lives.
Now we don't want to shock or alarm any of you with the following email, but... well hell, we just thought about it and actually we don't care if we shock or alarm you. The next message comes courtesy from SPC Ryan D. Gavant who mailed this gem from an Army base in Georgia. Yes, that is correct, this is a person who is theoretically supposed to be out there, not searching for Osama Bin Laden, but is instead playing Final Fantasy X and writing longwinded, boring, obvious emails to a self-proclaimed "comedy" website. When World War III comes up and the US is successfully invaded by rampaging Howler Monkeys armed with nothing but sticks and rocks, you can thank the fighting force of people like Ryan D. Gavant.
From: Gavant, Ryan SPC
Our heads hurt from reading Ryan D. Gavant's review of our review. We think we'll catalogue all the inconsistencies, so here goes:
If we weren't already fearful of the Army blowing up our apartments, we'd probably make fun of them for recruiting this bozo.
Moving on, those of you on the right side of the airplane will see what looks to be a large empty field and a pool of mud. However, this isn't simply an everyday large empty field and pool of mud; it also contains all the brain cells of our next flame mail corespondent, "~jim," who is apparently a contributor to this site (although probably not in the way he meant).
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.