From: [email protected]
We get these kinds of emails a lot. When you make fun of someone's favorite video game they get unreasonably angry. In fact, any amount of anger felt over a video game that you have no personal stake in is unreasonable. I'll go even further and say that getting angry about anything ever is unreasonable. Live a carefree life of fun and fancy. I have a couple of tapes that really helped me through some tough times, [email protected] Maybe you might want to borrow them? Call me man. I'm worried about you.
Sigh, more emails.
From: "Chris Trump"
Thanks for responding to my review of GTA: San Andreas Chris. It really means a lot to me. But like many other emails I have recieved on this topic I must correct your many mistakes. First of all you can complete the game in 20 hours if you are playing a different game. Secondly, I don't know anyone who owns GTA: San Andreas, much less myself. Third I am not ashamed of myself because of this review, I am ashamed of myself because I masturbated in the bushes next to my next-door neighbor's window. Last and not least, Halo 2 is in no way overhyped, borish, or repetitive. Halo 2 is a kind loving man who gives to the local community center every Christmas. I feel for you Chris Trump, not because you are a loving human being, but because you have fantastic eyes. I hope my score incites anger and violence because goddamnitt, why not?
The next guy is full of me.
Okay, now that's just childish. Sure, hate me all you want. Throw pies in my face or spike my water supply with liquor. But please don't throw empty threats my way as if they were pies or liquor. I am a very weak man who cannot take what he dishes out. How dare you send me an email that takes advantage of these attributes!
The bottom line is that my review was the only one that spoke the real honest to god truth about some game I actually really enjoy playing.
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.