From: "Calum Sinclair"
If I were a smart person, and God knows I'm not, I would not remove the rating from the website. In fact, I should put it up on billboards and busses and tattoo it onto my forehead. Let's face it, people love controversy. Nobody would read this website if we didn't do what we do. Our fans thrive on other people's suffering, anger, and discomfort. They love it, and so do I. A website about being nice and accepting everybody and their opinions does not get the traffic that a website that pisses everyone off does.
I'm a goddamn genius.
From: "Jon Perry"
Sniff sniff. I smell bullshit! Hey buddy, let's get a few things straight about the PlayStation 2. The PlayStation 2 is made by the Japanese. My father didn't get killed at Pearl Harbor just so I could turn around and buy a Japanese video game system. No fucking way. That's unamerican. The only products I buy are made in the U-S-of-A. I'll be god damned if I ever buy anything made in that evil country. Sure, I have to take everything back after a few months because it doesn't turn on anymore or has caught fire, but that's how much I love my country goddamnitt. Everytime I see a kid walking out of a store with a PlayStation 2 I kick him in the nuts. No kid is going to be influenced by the devil Japanese.
I love my country too goddamn much to let that happen.
From: "john df"
Wrong ethnicity, John. I took the liberty of rewriting your email for you. I hope you don't mind.
You should kill yourself SPIC, you have the clap and your mom makes shitty TAMALES bitch. HALO OWNZ WETBACK, GO PLAY YOUR CRACKHEAD GRANDTHEFT ESE LOCO BURRITO LOVING GAME PACO.
I'm always glad to see that the KKK is reading Something Awful. We need everybody. Even the assholes.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.