go cue up absolutely any song in the history of recorded music on the touch screen jukebox I'm going get us beer with orange slices in it— li'l timmy miracles (@timmeehan666) January 21, 2014
Rude, lude, love to be nude— gary (@garyniceman) January 21, 2014
it's snowing and the woman in front of me at the Taco Bell drive thru ordered $46 worth of food what a time to be alive— ellë (@elleellereid) January 21, 2014
I want my license plate to say "2PWRFUL" (too powerful)— Steve Bottos (@steve_bo_toss) January 21, 2014
*slides up to a girl at a bar* Yeah, I'm famous… online. The smell? Oh, too busy doing irony to bathe or wash my clothes. Buy you a drink?— TS Steinbacher (@TSSteinbacher) January 22, 2014
My neighbour the Loud Sex Man is not having loud sex tonight and is instead mournfully playing the harmonica— 2013 4ever (@BadNewsCentral) January 22, 2014
Not even mad dude, Im laughing about this funny shit. Cause thats all it is to me. [I send you a video of me angrily laughing at the camera]— Mike F (@animal_drums_) January 22, 2014
Local Apartment Dog Barks For 17 Years, Due to Being Spooked By Tree on Patio That Has Literally Always Been There, He Is "A Total Idiot."— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 22, 2014
Can Highlanders get Aids? How would that work?— Gretchen (@gentilecoont) January 22, 2014
Hi I'm The Weed Smoker Hope Uoure Having A Blazin Day And Blazin Night. Stay Blazed - Weed Smoker— Certified Facts® (@kawaiidildog) January 23, 2014
Nothing takes me back to my shitty childhood more than the smell of Coors Light.— desi jedeikin (@DesiJedeikin) January 23, 2014
"I'm not here to make friends — I'm here to win" -a great thing to say at a dinner party— Sam Lansky (@samlansky) January 23, 2014
calling my penis 'my pud' is definitely in for 2014. taking a pic of a beer and saying 'this is happening' is definitely out forever— BRANSON (@bransonbranson) January 23, 2014
"His name is Verne Troyer, and he's still alive, as far as I know."— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 23, 2014
Siri remind me every 23 hours that I'm the shit— Numbr.1Favorite (@mrbillding) January 23, 2014
As my lungs fill with blood and my eyes roll back into my head, I thank god for granting me the strength to find all the gaps in Tony Hawk 3— Boat From Above 1979 (@promissory_boat) January 23, 2014
anyone wanna go pound on some nerds?— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) January 23, 2014
my wife accidentally put my plastic dreadlock in the dryer— Good Smart Worker (@DinkMagic) January 24, 2014
Nobody is ever prepared for the romancing of a lifetime brought to them by my flute music.— Lisa Bizzle (@Lisa_Bizzle) January 24, 2014
It's Bonnie and Clyde not Donnie and Clyde— Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 25, 2014
heres law school: "sustained" is basically "settle down beavis." "overruled" also means "settle down beavis," but to the other guy instead— John V (@wettbutt) January 25, 2014
would love to get fat enough to where I have to cross my arms during the promo for my History Channel show— michael (@michaeljhudson) January 25, 2014
'Rough day. Better make it a double.' - me at the cat shelter.— moody monday (@mdob11) January 25, 2014
Somehow, you've combined the two things I hate most, learning and piss— Duke LongFafashoonoo (@dukelongboard) January 25, 2014
While we're all here "at the club getting tipsy," also make sure to be "giving tips-y"! Remember to tip your servers, folks. Enjoy the show.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) January 26, 2014
I am Facebook friends with people I sat next to on airplanes and people who looked at my apartment.— Shadi Petosky (@shadipetosky) January 26, 2014
Macklemore can take that haircut, turn it sideways and stick it up his roody poo candy ass— gary (@garyniceman) January 27, 2014
what's up all my queer homies, it's me macklemore. i may love pussy, but i support your struggle. don't forget that i love to eat pussy!!!!!— Big Ball Pervert (@Perfect_Beanis) January 27, 2014
I am haunted by the fear that someday someone will find out that I don't give a shit about the Beatles— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 27, 2014
i took a large dump in a birds nest while he was out collecting more supplies for his nest (which is now full of shit)— good cop XL (@Rad_Mouse) January 27, 2014
all the wines at this Wendys are from vineyards i never heard of like "Sprite" and are VERY good— DVS (@DVSblast) January 27, 2014
before the big Winter Dance i tryed to use a Crest Whitestrip that expired in 2009 and i threw up all over my small penis— Funny website man (@BevisSimpson) January 28, 2014
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!