Worried my dog might be a nerd— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) January 30, 2013
Tim Allen > Time Allen > Time Alien, guys holy shit guys— your dad (@Dads_Secret) January 31, 2013
Who's super good at cursive? I wanna script 'The Road Puto' in big, swooping letters on my tailgate.— beestfalin (@beefstalin) February 1, 2013
Taco trucks are weird. They're like "hey, what's up man, come eat some greasy Mexican food from the back of my van" and we're just like "OK"— Matt Bedinger (@MattElGato) February 2, 2013
My nickname in high school was "Who"— Nick (@NickBossRoss) February 2, 2013
I met a guy named AJ tonight who had a severe “I need to change my first name to two initials” vibe about him— Andrew (@bn2b) February 7, 2013
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."