Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do— Nick Toplass (@TitaniumToplass) May 30, 2013
The '90s? Yeah, I remember. Bosnia, Rwanda, Waco, Columbine... man.Tragic. ... Oh, you meant Sprite Remix. Yeah, that was LOL and Win.— Alex Woodward (@alexwoodward) May 30, 2013
you can lead a horse to water, but what’s the point? it won’t bring your dad back. nothing will.— lawblob (@lawblob) May 30, 2013
can't wait to be the mother who drops her 13 year old goth son off at the mall and I go to Sbarro and Macy's— lisa frankenstein (@barf_bag_) May 30, 2013
Oh you play a game called Candy Crush on your phone cool I play a game called pussy crush in real life every fucking night— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) May 30, 2013
im eating a handful of walnuts like im some kind of beloved horse— Greg (@weedguy420boner) May 30, 2013
does anyone know a decent c++ library (MIT or LGPL licence if possible) that makes it so when you die in the game you die irl— supermoof (@supermoof) May 30, 2013
I'll delete this tweet in the morning but I just spent 30 minutes applying for a job at Pizza Hut.— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) May 31, 2013
YELP SEARCH: whole fried turkey LOCATION: this!!! this fuckin time of night— David Thorpe (@Arr) May 31, 2013
Is there a notification when someone forwards your tweet to their mom?— Andrew B. (@assholevegan) May 31, 2013
Was there ever a Beach Boys song about a girl getting her hair tore off by a transmission belt or was that just a dream I had— Rich Lowtax Kyanka (@lowtax) May 31, 2013
why did they start packaging gum in tiny briefcases— Gil Ozeri (@gilozeri) May 31, 2013
I got so high I thought I was a dead hobbit— Marlo Meekins (@MarloMeekins) May 31, 2013
Please try one of our region's traditional haircuts such as The Day Drinker or Tractor Accident.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) June 1, 2013
Introduced "it's pasta my breadtime!!!" to my friend group and I just heard it shouted into the muggy night and I couldn't be prouder.— kbridge (@kbridge) June 2, 2013
Don't worry son, Grandpa's gone off to that Great Bounce Castle in the Sky, to ruin some angel's birthday party— Nick Ciarelli (@nickciarelli) June 2, 2013
can u prove that my custom vintage skeleton is not bela lugosi, robert smith of the cure??? #GothThrowdown— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) June 2, 2013
"Let's perform for no one in an empty warehouse!" - bands in music videos— elan gale (@theyearofelan) June 2, 2013
Bugs were stuck to my chest after my run which means 1) I'm v. fast or 2) The bugs thought"here's a large tree-like object we can live on"— alyssa kramer (@kramediggles) June 2, 2013
i was promised awful, screaming cicadas by the millions. i am starting to think i busted out my CICADA MAN 2013 t-shirt for nothing.— wint (@dril) June 2, 2013
sorry son. i failed. im a fail. i got owned on imgur. i dont know shit abour dr. who. the garbagemen are your new dads now— ben errrrrrrrrrrrrrr (@MuscularSon) June 3, 2013
u look like a damn hoagie. Date me— elle o reid (@elleoreid) June 3, 2013
I never even learned the names of the characters in FRIENDS yet you expect me to somehow follow this dragon incest show?— matt (@biorhythmist) June 3, 2013
a zip line from the pizza place to my mouth— Kyle Kinane (@kylekinane) June 3, 2013
Is Donnie Darko set in the '80s just for the stupid Star Search thing. come on— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) June 3, 2013
Ne-Yo stands for Need Yoghurt— piss khalifa (@VIETNAMESEWOMAN) June 3, 2013
where. are. amanda. bynes. parents.— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) June 3, 2013
tweeting while twitter is out is like birthing babies into a crowd of mannequins who will love them why can't I stop having babies— Saragh Adams (@SaraghAdams) June 3, 2013
One of my biggest regrets is never having tried quualudes.— molly (@Molly_Kats) June 4, 2013
sometimes I get so drunk to the point where I argue that Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me" is a perfect song.— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) June 4, 2013
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Today's viral teen news beat, brought to you by Mike from the Internet!
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!