If you've ever scooped out pumpkin innards, fingering me feels very similar- plus you can eat the "seeds".— Stacey Nightmare (@STACEYNIGHTMARE) October 20, 2012
How many bridges could a woodchuck burn if a woodchuck stopped returning emails&calls sorry I haven't been returning anyone's emails&calls.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) October 15, 2012
a cool thing about having a lot of work to do is that i have a way to stay busy when no one calls on friday nights!— rap game glenna (@glenna_opt) October 19, 2012
How much longer do I have to see the Steve Jobs Tribute on the Apple page? If I wanted a constant reminder of death I'd call my mother.— Tess Rafferty (@TessRafferty) October 8, 2012
I'm not white enough to be excited for a new version of Windows.— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 22, 2012
Rock legend David Bowie has changed his identity with almost every album. Can you remember all these classic Bowie characters?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!