If you've ever scooped out pumpkin innards, fingering me feels very similar- plus you can eat the "seeds".— Stacey Nightmare (@STACEYNIGHTMARE) October 20, 2012
How many bridges could a woodchuck burn if a woodchuck stopped returning emails&calls sorry I haven't been returning anyone's emails&calls.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) October 15, 2012
a cool thing about having a lot of work to do is that i have a way to stay busy when no one calls on friday nights!— rap game glenna (@glenna_opt) October 19, 2012
How much longer do I have to see the Steve Jobs Tribute on the Apple page? If I wanted a constant reminder of death I'd call my mother.— Tess Rafferty (@TessRafferty) October 8, 2012
I'm not white enough to be excited for a new version of Windows.— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 22, 2012
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
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