If you've ever scooped out pumpkin innards, fingering me feels very similar- plus you can eat the "seeds".— Stacey Nightmare (@STACEYNIGHTMARE) October 20, 2012
How many bridges could a woodchuck burn if a woodchuck stopped returning emails&calls sorry I haven't been returning anyone's emails&calls.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) October 15, 2012
a cool thing about having a lot of work to do is that i have a way to stay busy when no one calls on friday nights!— rap game glenna (@glenna_opt) October 19, 2012
How much longer do I have to see the Steve Jobs Tribute on the Apple page? If I wanted a constant reminder of death I'd call my mother.— Tess Rafferty (@TessRafferty) October 8, 2012
I'm not white enough to be excited for a new version of Windows.— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 22, 2012
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!