"He still so wants me." -- me, regarding every Facebook engagement announcement— Zooey Davechappelle (@mauracakes) October 22, 2012
Apparently saying "Let's get married!!!" to a guy isn't a very good pick up line.— Tricia(@Im_Tricia) October 20, 2012
I think I'm probably pretty enough to play a young mom in a Swiffer ad.— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) October 19, 2012
My phone automatically changes “murdering” to “murderorgies.” Who’s free tonight?— Kelly Pentland (@MmeSurly) October 22, 2012
My existence is like the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Jeff Daniels screams "BE RIGHT OUT" while frantically trying to flush his colon shame— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) October 21, 2012
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!