"He still so wants me." -- me, regarding every Facebook engagement announcement— Zooey Davechappelle (@mauracakes) October 22, 2012
Apparently saying "Let's get married!!!" to a guy isn't a very good pick up line.— Tricia(@Im_Tricia) October 20, 2012
I think I'm probably pretty enough to play a young mom in a Swiffer ad.— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) October 19, 2012
My phone automatically changes “murdering” to “murderorgies.” Who’s free tonight?— Kelly Pentland (@MmeSurly) October 22, 2012
My existence is like the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Jeff Daniels screams "BE RIGHT OUT" while frantically trying to flush his colon shame— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) October 21, 2012
The ocean is full of the stuff of nightmares and, no thanks to all that water, you can't even kill it with fire.
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
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