"He still so wants me." -- me, regarding every Facebook engagement announcement— Zooey Davechappelle (@mauracakes) October 22, 2012
Apparently saying "Let's get married!!!" to a guy isn't a very good pick up line.— Tricia(@Im_Tricia) October 20, 2012
I think I'm probably pretty enough to play a young mom in a Swiffer ad.— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) October 19, 2012
My phone automatically changes “murdering” to “murderorgies.” Who’s free tonight?— Kelly Pentland (@MmeSurly) October 22, 2012
My existence is like the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Jeff Daniels screams "BE RIGHT OUT" while frantically trying to flush his colon shame— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) October 21, 2012
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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