I'll have you know, "sir", that some of my best posable action figures are black.— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) October 20, 2012
no i will not hold my horses that would be very heavy and dangerous not to mention buttercup has intimacy issues— Kaylee Harles (@Kalarlis) October 19, 2012
Apparently everyone at the beach is pretty laid back about peeing in the ocean until you stand on the shore to do it— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) October 22, 2012
Sorry strange one eyed man, I'm not letting you use my phone because you look faster than me— Stephen Wundar(@roscow) October 22, 2012
i'm trying to write jokes but all i keep thinking about is my new karate pig character named pork chop— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 22, 2012
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!