"I don't see why you can't construct a rocket out of fallen trees and then launch that rocket into outer space with dynamite and have outer space adventures with a laser gun that you find in space. The Fable series has always been about that sort of choice."
- October 2006

"Swimming? Christ, no. Touching the edge of a puddle is insta-death. Water makes a great natural border to force players along a set path, as do bushes and patches of grass that are higher than three inches. In fact, we're thinking of making tall grass and bushes insta-death as well."
- August 2006

"Every time you swing a weapon, you suffer a little bit more from a repetitive stress injury. By the endgame, you can no longer fight or physically interact with anything but you can yell at practically any character or object in the game. At this stage, the game becomes a lot like Spore in that it seamlessly shifts from one style of game to another."
- July 2007

"You can eat or not eat apples that you find on the ground. There are a number of instances where you're forced to eat apples, but most of the time you'll have a choice."
- September 2007

One Sentence Reviews

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08
Captures the frustration of actual golf with game-crashing bugs that make it impossible to complete the Tiger Challenge and nearly impossible to upload pictures of severe burn victims in the EA Sports Gamer Net Game Face Internet Trademarked Awesome Service. 6/10

Stranglehold
It's not all that long, but you shoot like twice as many people in the face as you do in any other game, plus you can prolong the experience by constantly using Tequila Time. 8/10

Stuntman Ignition
Just like buying an Xbox 360, when everything isn't exactly right you'll experience crashing and burning that forces you to start over again, only this time around there's no month-long wait between retries. 7/10

Medal Of Honor: Airborne
If you could somehow parachute your way to the last half of the game, this would be the best expansion pack ever. 7/10

Blue Dragon
If turn-based battles that are slow as molasses and generic graphics that can't decide if they want to be cartoony, realistic, or blurry as hell sounds like your idea of a good time, you still might not like this tedious tripe. 4/10

Lair
Sorry guys, but after the release of this abortion and Blue Dragon, wearing dragon t-shirts is no longer cool. 2/10

Warhawk
An online shooter for disgruntled PS3 owners to take their aggressions out on one another is a no-brainer, and a pretty fun game to boot. 8/10

Dynasty Warriors: Gundam
The best of both worlds, it turns out, is actually pretty shitty. 3/10

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
A fantastic adventure that's well worth a purchase, making it the Samus all the other games in the series (ha ha ha get it???). 9/10

Two Worlds
Pray thee fare well thou shouldsth download thine patch that tis 1 gig in size to verily enjoyeth this strangely fun game, forsooth. 8/10

Sword Of The New World: Granado Espada
If you know how to code a room full of enemies that take two hits to kill and respawn every five seconds, you're set for a lifetime of employment in the Korean MMO development business. 2/10

Destination: Treasure Island
What Myst could have been if it had logical puzzles, a cohesive narrative, and fun. 7/10

Wild ARMs 5
I commend the Japanese for making Western rpgs when no one in the west would, but I was a little confused at the Hindi-speaking indian chief boss who performed a ten minute long Bollywood dance number when I encountered him. 7/10

Dungeons & Dragons Tactics
The best tactic is to imagine how good this game could be, then don't buy it so that mental image remains untainted. 5/10

Luminous Arc
Now THIS is how you make a handheld tactical game with manatees. 8/10

Rune Factory: A Fantasy Harvest Moon
Now that there's combat, the Harvest Moon series is finally able to accurately portray the rough and tumble lifestyle of a tomato farmer. 7/10

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

More Video Game Article

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.