One Sentence Reviews

Mass Effect
I really wanted to give it a ten because it's pretty much the game I've always wanted, but my squadmates ran in front of me and blocked the "1" and "0" keys after I told them to stay behind cover. 9/10

Rock Band
It's fantastic for people who have friends, so you and I should just rent it and complain about the single player game on internet forums. 8/10

Beowulf
They should have just pressed a disc containing nothing but the cgi render of Angelina Jolie from the movie and been happy with to sell exactly as many copies as Dead Or Alive Xtreme 2. 4/10

Bee Movie Game
Please stop infringing on this feature's territory of "things with intentionally generic titles". 6/10

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
Indiana Jones And The Best Licensed Game That Was Never Licensed. 8/10

Time Crisis 4
I thought the Wii was supposed to get all the lightgun games and titles that look like they're ten years old. 6/10

WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw 2008
The controls are as natural and accurate as piloting a fighter jet by slamming your head into the control panel in the general direction you want to fly. 3/10

Anubis 2
Gets one point for controls that are so horrible that you'll quit in frustration, sparing you from hours of torture. 1/10

Unreal Tournament 3
For the first time since UT 2004, those of us who crave "bulky men shooting each other in the face with goo" action have an alternative to Craigslist. 8/10

You Are Empty
Sensing the hatred and criticism that are about to be leveed against it, the game lashes out with its title as a preemptive strike. 1/10

Flight Simulator X: Acceleration
Everything you've ever wanted to do in a plane aside from smacking loudmouth kids. 8/10

Mario Party DS
A great start, now let's hope Nintendo gives this plucky game a sequel! 8/10

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

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