Nintendo made headlines this week when it was revealed that their upcoming system (code-named NX) is already in the hands of third party developers. Most news outlets were focused on getting details about Cabela's Big Hunt Babysitting Backgammon. I, on the other hand, was more interested in the console. Here's everything I was able to gather.
An incredible photograph of an NX development kit. Note how the white screen indicates the power is on, and how discs are read one half at a time.The Nintendo NX will be made by Nintendo. Nintendo decided not to have the system designed and manufactured by another company, like Sony or Krispy Kreme.
Its code name is the Nintendo NX. This will be the final name of the system. Or it will change to a different name. Remember, Nintendo has had some funky code names in the past (Project Reality, Dolphin) and they usually settle on sensible, appealing names for their final products (Wavebird, Wii U, GameCube).
When will it come out? Our money is on a date that comes after today, October 21st 2015. To maximize their profits Nintendo will likely put the console on sale within 100 years of manufacturing the hardware. If they wait longer than that, after all, the metal parts might rust and bugs could get all up in the circuits and whatnot.
The Nintendo NX will play ALL video games released for the NX. This is exclusive information that we have independently verified with several sources close to the project.
It will have better hardware than the WiiU. Nintendo debated the benefits of making a new system with worse hardware than the WiiU but ultimately decided that better was better. Theoretically this means that games will look nicer and run faster. Powering up the system and using menus will still take an eternity. Remember, the WiiU is the only system on the market with a solid state hard drive, and somehow loading a menu feels like loading a Sarah Michelle Gellar gallery in 1996 from a server on Mars. If we want responsive user interfaces we're going to have to wait for quantum computing.
The NX controller will allow users to input button presses which will then be transmitted to the console, where they will turn into actions on the screen. It will not have razor-sharp blades that slice into players' hands and tear their flesh into ribbons.
If you're an AV geek get ready to nerd out with some incredible hardware specs: The Nintendo NX will output both audio and video signals. SIMULTANEOUSLY. Possibly in HD. How is this possible? A cord will connect the console to a television.
Finally, there's the cost. Nintendo hopes to make immediate inroads on the competition by pricing the NX competitively. Early word has it that the system will cost more than the price of a video game, and less than the cost of two NX consoles.
Guitar Hero 5
Well, that dispels my theory that any game with bad FMV is inherently sort of loveable. 5/10
Rock Band 4
I am exactly the sort of idiot who would be excited about buying a plastic guitar game in 2015, if the game had more than a handful of good songs or actually seemed interested in giving me a reason to play. 6/10
Dragon Quest Heroes: The World Tree's Woe And The Blight Below
Buy it because slimes remain the greatest characters in video games, keep it because they made a better Dynasty Warriors game than Hyrule Warriors. 8/10
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
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