One Sentence Reviews

Guitar Hero III: Legends Of Rock
Until Buster Poindexter is patched into the game, it's not worthy of the title "Legends Of Rock". 8/10

Conan
Sort of like the mediocre and vastly overrated God Of War, only without all the hype. 7/10

The Eye Of Judgment
Be sure to clip your fingernails and wear your cleanest anime shirt, because playing a geeky card game online with a camera is a fantastic way to meet sex offenders. 7/10

Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools Of Destruction
The only disappointment is the comparatively weak dick joke in this installment's title. 9/10

Zack & Wiki: Quest For Barbaros' Treasure
The biggest challenge it presents is getting over your insecurity and going through a cute cashier's line to buy a fantastic game with such a goofy title, potentially ruining your chances of her falling in love and marrying you. 8/10

Manhunt 2
OH GOD THE ESRB ISN'T ENOUGH, WHY CAN'T OUR GOVERNMENT PROTECT US FROM SUCH DEPRAVITY??? 7/10

The Witcher
You mean it's possible to make an RPG with real meaningful choices instead of dialogue options like: 1. "I'll save your cat, and no reward is necessary", 2. "I'll save your cat, but there better be something in it for me!" and 3. "I'm going to kill you because I'm totally evil." ? 10/10

Hellgate: London
8 points for the execution of a fun 3D Diablo with disappointing skill trees and ugly textures, plus -1 point for a moneygrab subscription service (on top of in-game ads) that makes you pay for features that should be free instead of just shelling out for new content and server upkeep. 7/10

Clive Barker's Jericho
The Clive Barker to F.E.A.R.'s Stephen King. 7/10

The History Channel: Great Battles Of Rome
Soon to be featured in the History Channel program "Historic Video Game Failures Of The 21st Century". 2/10

Battlestar Galactica
There's no level with an objective that requires you to jump over a spaceshark, so it doesn't really stay true to the Sci-Fi Channel series. 5/10

Brunswick Pro Bowling
If you're playing this on the PSP instead of the PS2, you're way too mobile to be a pro bowler. 6/10

SWAT: Target Liberty
Target: unsuspecting kid's wallet. 4/10

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trials And Tribulations
Everyone's favorite lawyer / detective returns for a final round of nonsensical browbeating by the women in his life. 8/10

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

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