Maybe someday when the human race dies of AIDS and Friends spin-offs and aliens find our tattered remains, I hope they find Weekend Web. This feature paints a picture of a man fed up with the morons on the internet. A man who stood up against the mass stupidity that permeates through our telephone lines. A man who wasn't afraid to speak his mind. A man who once scored four touchdowns in a single game. A man who didn't really want to write stupid comments over images of forum posts but did them anyway even though they come out really lame and unfunny. A man whose idea of a good time is watching Law and Order reruns in underwear that has more holes than a Buffy: The Vampire Slayer story arc.

Remember me not as a man who simply complained about the internet, but as a man who insulted fat chubs to make himself feel better.


American Cheerleader

As far as I can tell there is absolutely no reason cheerleading exists. The only thing I can think of is that it was invented to make the football players' penises harder so they catch better or something, but I doubt that's what they had in mind. Whenever I would see cheerleaders perform their routines at school all I wanted to do was whip my dick out and rub one out on all of their faces, not cheer for the home team. Let's be honest folks, cheerleading is glorified stripping and that's it. It's an excuse to have half naked morons dancing around at school so maybe we can get a glimpse under their tiny skirts. God bless America.

All the cheerleaders are an easy piece of ass.

Cheerleading. Not quite stripping. Not quite dancing either.

Well anything beyond 5 minutes ago is a little hazy for "GCfangurl17".

Bring it on! Yo I already brought it! BRING IT ON, BITCH!!!! YOU GOT BROUGHT ON!!!

Might as well just start showing some snatch as well. It'll be good practice for your future career.

Spread your legs.

What makes me want to cheer? Oh, my desire to be an attention whore and get double-teamed by the point guard and the center in the locker room after the big game.

Contrary to what you think, you never did anything right on the computer. In fact your little forum is more like a stain on the timeline of history.

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About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

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