Sex with a porn star, ha! Never gonna happen. But the life of a eunuch? Oh yes, the power is in your hands.


Aha, I see what you did there.


Any men out there wanna chop their balls off and be my fake dad?


Dry ice over a razor blade? You are not living up to emo expectations!


Special thanks to forums ball-butchers Cuddlebottom, Valencia, Crud Bonemeal, ItsThatGuy, King Lou, tacothesmurf, axleblaze, and ohnoyoudidnt for their image contributions. Feel free to send me an email if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for future Weekend Webs.

– Chris "Kewpuh" Binkley

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

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