Goddamn you miserable pedophile.

I read that as, "I was raping this chick..." Either way.

So we're talking a girl who transforms into a cow with a penis? GODDAMNITT.

I want a cockshot.

A lot of men running around here have a dick without testicles.

I would change my fingers into penises and use them to dig a tunnel to China.

I have that stuff. I can condition my body to feel intense euphoria when I drive a nail through my penis. Biocontrol is also known as A SHITLOAD OF DRUGS.

What guy hasn't tasted their own ejaculate before? Not me!

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.