The ol' Derek Smart sales pitch!

Here's a tip: Just because you are now able to grow facial hair on parts of your face doesn't make doing so a good idea. In fact, just forget the idea of facial hair until you're at least 40 because it's going to look like shit unless you're that guy from the Men's Warehouse commercials.

I don't think I'd expect a 16-year-old from Beverly Hills whose head looks like one of those flaming skulls from Doom to get much of anything.

I'm pretty sure that at one point Jesus or God or one of those other bibley guys had to say, "but don't be total fucking nerds about all this." Of course, the guys who were taking that shit down for the bible didn't write anything because they didn't want to look like nerds in front of Jesus.

HAT-LORD AND LIKELY KNIGHTED WARRIOR "VOLKMAR" DISTRESSES AT THE NOTION OF UNSAVORY TAUNTING FROM A OPPONENT. PERHAPS HIS MASCULINE COD-PIECE, WITH ROOM FOR ACCOMMODATING A PENIS AND SCROTE, WAS ISSUED IN ERROR?

Her picture is pretty small, but I think I can make out enough to tell that she was definitely NOT invited to any kind of face party.

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