Gothic font? Check. Red text on black background? Check. Hundreds of lonely teenagers sucking energy out of their cats' necks so they can survive. CHECK.


Here's hoping that nail was wooden and positioned over his own heart.


You announce yourself as being a vampire and your friends don't hang out with you anymore. I can't say that I'm surprised, no.


And if you don't die, then you die and live, and die. and live. or die. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Just shut up and show us your tits already.


More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.