Sex with animals is a victimless crime. Like sniping a motorist from afar.
God is like Freddy Kruger. He gets you in your dreams!
I heard if you hit women in the stomach they love you more.
My dad gave me the same advice when I was a young boy.
Never meant to make your daughter cry. I apologize a million times. I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real!
You ever have those dreams where you own a video game system you really wanted but when you wake up you realize it was just a dream and you never really had it. God those depressed me as a kid.
What the hell is "muffin"? Some new slang for herpes infested slut snatch?
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
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