Sex with animals is a victimless crime. Like sniping a motorist from afar.
God is like Freddy Kruger. He gets you in your dreams!
I heard if you hit women in the stomach they love you more.
My dad gave me the same advice when I was a young boy.
Never meant to make your daughter cry. I apologize a million times. I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real!
You ever have those dreams where you own a video game system you really wanted but when you wake up you realize it was just a dream and you never really had it. God those depressed me as a kid.
What the hell is "muffin"? Some new slang for herpes infested slut snatch?
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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