This article is part of the SA Celebrity Stalker series.
Ah hah! Our spies see all that transpires in the realm of the celebrity. Behold these fresh dispatches!
Dennis RodmanYesterday @ 12pmDude! The Worm! I saw him earlier but forgot virtually every relevant detail! In fact it might not have even been him! Still pretty cool, I guess. | Mel GibsonYesterday @ 2pmBeastly is all I can say. Saw Mel chasing a goose through the park. He chased it into a pond, grabbed it by the neck, and just started biting into the helpless thing. Blood everywhere! |
Paris HiltonYesterday @ 4pmSaw the drama queen get into a spat with SNAKE WARZ director Jaume Collet-Serra. From what I overheard she was mad about a scene where she'd have to make out with a giant snake. Would love to be that snake! | Val KilmerYesterday @ 7pmVal called about 7pm last night trying to get me to sign up for the Albuquerque Journal, but I told him I got all my news from NPR. He seemed genuinely sad and I had to ask if he was "OK." He just hung up on me. |
James FrancoYesterday @ 8pmFranco's huge head is currently blocking my view of the goddamn sunset. Fuck this guy and fuck his huge head. | Olver Platt & Guys and Dolls CastYesterday @ 10pmSaw the entire cast and crew of Guys and Dolls getting into a single taxi cab near Broadway. WE LOVE YOU, OLIVER PLATT. |
Bob HopeToday @ 2amWoke up to a strange, ghostly sound. Went into the kitchen and saw a terrifying apparition of Bob Hope warning me to turn off the oven. Sure enough it was on. I have an electric oven, but no sense letting the bill run up. | Zac EfronToday @ 10amRan into Efron. Not so tough! Put him in a headlock, then transitioned into a perfect guillotine choke. He was crying and gasping within seconds. Held on for an extra minute just to show him who's boss. Think he peed himself. |
Carl WeathersToday @ 11amSaw Carl in Wal-Mart buying some sensible slacks. I asked him if there was ever going to be a Predator spinoff with his character and he just wept like a baby in my arms. I cradled him for several hours. | Clive OwenToday @ 12pmSpotted Clive looking hella stately walking down the street with a beautiful kite shield in hand. Literally the perfect fashion accessory. Classic, but still hip and modern. Probably offers good defense, too. |
George LopezToday @ 4pmSitcom star George Lopez is relaxing on the beach. He's completely naked and sunning himself. Looks good. Everything in the right place. Will try to provide some illustrations later. | Wayne KnightToday @ 7pmI can't go into detail but I'm seriously inside Wayne Knight's closet right now and he doesn't know it. He's in the room and I think he's about to change clothes. Oh god, if he finds me I'm a goner for sure. I love you, Sandy. Take care of the kids. |
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