10.23.2000: Bezzy - Q3A Mod: "Real Life Quake"
page 1
"Real Life Quake"
This mod, as its name implies, just reeks of realism.
Author: Derrkus aka CacheMismatch (Markus Derry)
Reviewed By: Bezzy
Game Mode Supported: DM, Teamplay
URL: http://www.mbnet.fi/~mderry/
Overview: An exercise in futility.

Download Here (495k)

Very realistic weapons.

AT A GLANCE: From what I can gather from the end of Deus Ex, Voltaire once said "If there was no God, man would create one, and he has". The same applies for very bad mods.

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of the realism genre. It seems to me that a lot of gameplay destroying features are added to these games with the all covering argument "ITS REELISTIC!!!" You get shot in the leg. You can't move. Sure, it's realistic, but that doesn't save it from the fact that you're giving the worse player the handicap. As far as gameplay goes, it makes no sense.

But now I've played RealLife Quake, and now I'm a changed man. However bad I perceive the gameplay in this mod sub-genre, I'll always know it can never get as bad as RealLife Quake.

THE GAME: So you open the game and you start playing. The first things you find are 6 firecrackers sticking out of your arm. You're pretty sure they're firecrackers... they have garish cartoon style fire painted around the edges. But the moment you press fire, you'll immediately wish you hadn't. What were pretty nicely modeled and skinned firecrackers become what are meant to be a fair representation of a chaingun. Bullets fly out with a random offset arc of about 60 degrees. Hitting anyone by merely aiming at them is no longer a legitimate tactic... you have to use the skillful art of luck. It isn't all-bad I guess... at around 50 damage a bullet, it's only going to take two lucky shots on your target to get a well earned kill.

The other new weapon you'll find is the M16, which looks like it's been carved out of play-dough by a preschooler with an intravenous Paxil supply. That said, it IS a very good representation of a play-dough M16. But once again, after being wowed by modeling skills, our hopes are dashed as we press the fire button. Like a reoccurring nightmare, we find we have a huge arc of random fire. It doesn't matter whether you're crouching, running, or falling off a cliff; that random offset is constant. I guess it's fair enough - why the hell should players be allowed to shoot where they aim? That's not realistic! That's just STUPID! God knows sniper rifles were never made to shoot where you aim them, and most of the gun toting people I know run around aiming every which way but at their target... then again, they did go to the Bad Guy School of Shooting and not their local high school (where many a proficient marksman graduates every year).

How does this weapon differ from the chaingun? It does 80 damage a bullet, which makes sense if you think about it. Chainguns fire faster, so they do less damage. It's good because it's realistic.

At this point, you start to regret testing this mod on "The Longest Yard". Every time you try to traverse the scenery by the use of jump pads, you take about 50-health point loss from falling. You let this pass though, as the maps aren't really intended for the realism sub genre. And besides, it's realistic - you fall 100 feet, you lose 50 health and walk away!

Since you don't want to instantly die from falling everywhere, you look around for health and start thinking "Hey, it's not realistic to go up 50 health from these health bubbles - that's half your entire life! That's not realistic!". So you pick up a gold health bubble, and sure enough, it only heals around 20 points. This is great because it's realistic. Heck, even the Mega Health only heals 25 points! God knows nobody wants a single item to heal them enough to withstand another 50 damage points from a single bullet! That's crazy talk!

After falling your way around the level, you eventually pick up a rocket launcher. Now the Quake 3 rocket launcher was nowhere near realistic. So how is this fixed in Real Life Quake? Increase the reload time! How can anyone possibly be expected to reload a rocket in one second flat? That's not realistic! So the reload time is increased to 2.3 seconds - ample time to grab a reserve rocket from your realistic "infinity pocket", prime it, unlock the stock, slam it home and cock the hammer (yes I'm not a gun nut. If anyone knows how to reload a bazooka, I'd be so interested). The mod's maker has successfully managed to keep the theme of "not mattering where you aim" throughout the game. Regardless of where you aim, you're bound to kill everyone within a 20 mile radius with this rocket... and with highly increased rocket speed, you'll have barely enough time to hide from the explosion! Wonderful!

Very soon you'll get bored of shooting and dying; it's time to check out some other weapons! You see a railgun hovering in place and move to pick it up. A familiar "chu-chink" greets you and a message is displayed:


So the railgun is there in the game world and you can pick it up as well as its ammo, but you can't use it because it's not realistic. I'm personally happy about this. It's a realistic mod, so no stupid high-tech futuristic zany cyber virtual weapons should be available. What this mod really needs is a sniper rifle that is totally accurate, reloads after about a second, and does exactly 100 damage. And maybe if it had some kind of bullet trail too, that would be cool! And maybe you could customize the colour of the trail! WOW! This is gonna be cool!

And the shotgun? Well, despite every pellet doing around 20 damage and the pellet count being increased to 50, it still sucks. I guess some things will never change.

SUMMARY: All in all, this mod has taught me a lot about the realism genre. Mod teams can go on and on about how this feature or that is realistic, but it doesn't matter. By definition, any attempt at making a real life simulation while still retaining the values of a well balanced game is futile. Games are not simulations. Simulations are not games. The two are mutually exclusive. So why are so damn many mods being made that go halfway? With current user interfaces (mouse and keyboard) we have control of our view and movement, but no control over a separate aimable gun. Because of this, should mod teams really be assuming that we can't aim for shit and give us random offset up the whazzo, totally negating our skill at mouse pushing? The general growing view of "You can't do x because it's not realistic" is really starting to stint the creativity of a medium that has huge space for expansion. So the game is based on the first person perspective... does that mean that every game has to be based on Space Rangers or Elite Troops or human beings in general? So much more could be done. It's a damn interface, not a simulation of your boring insectile life, and we're still stuck on making more fucking army soldier simulators that just aren't any fun. It's about time we really think about the games we play instead of just eating up whatever looks cool because "IST REELISTIC!!!"

Category: Rating:
Graphics: - 6
Sound: - 2
Gameplay: - 9
Functionality: - 3
Fun Factor: - 10
TOTAL: - 30
More shit!

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).

More Cranky Steve Maps...