5-20-2002

BY JEFF K!!!!

page 1

DEAR INTARNET LUMPS:

I recenetly noticed on my Lunix calendar (I use MS Lunix from my home teriminal becuase its a whale of a deal!) taht E3 has been rapidly aproaching us liek a mythical bus of epic proportians!!! BUT not Epic entartainment becuase teh only thing they entartain si maybe car accidant victems and Cliffry B's pants entartain clowns and maybe teh handicapped kids who palay his games. PS HOW SI UNRAEL 2005 COMEING ALONG, MARK REIN?!?!? OR ARE YUO TOO BUSEY TAKING META-AMFETAMINE PILLS SO YUO CAN RUN AROUND EVARYWHERE SHOUTING LIEK A MADMAN AND SMILING LIEK YUO WERE A CAR SALESMAN but teh Unrael engein si not liek a car becuase if it was a car then it would haev been recalled by teh govarnmint by now and impounded inside a lot with a hammarhead shark! ,

Anyway I was not able too visit E3 this year becuase my mom said I couldant go because last tiem I went I got grounded for a month and Jerry got hepatitas A. SO no E3 for me, FATCATS! I asked NDIVIA if I could go too teh E3 event but they didant say YES becuase they where too bussey makeing crappey new demos taht show a skeleton danceing with a tophat while robocop fondels a card deck in teh background. OOOH LOOK, NDIVIDA CARD MAKES TABLES SHINY AND A MEAN WAREWOLVE!!! BUY OUR CARDS BECUASE ITS EITHAR US OR ATI AND ATI'S CARD ARE BUILT FROM WOOD AND STRING AND GUM!!! so tahnk yuo vary much NDIVIA for respondeing too my emales and letting me go too E3 yuo CLOWN BARNS!!! yuo haev got a care package comeing too yuo speciual delivary via teh USP MALE SERVICE and teh pacakeg contains a angry bee hat taht yuo must wear as punishmint. but not Jim Black becuase his heart si made of STEEL! STEEL MY HEART AWAY YUO SWINGING SINGAL, JIM BLACK!!!

So sence I couldant go, I decided too make my own e3 which will be bettar than teh currant e3 whitch is always teh same Thing evary year anyway. In CASE yuo havant read teh 4000000 othar articals crappy websiets haev writtan about e3, let me summarise them for yuo:

1. THERE ARE WOMEN WITH BOOBS
2. THERE ARE GAMES
3. THERE ARE PASTRY WHITE FAGOTS STANDING IN LIEN TO SEE A JAPANESE CONSOLE GAME ABOUT FAGOTS WITH BLUE HAIR AND LARAGE SWORDS
4> THERE ARE WOMAN WITH BIG BOOBS AND ASSES
5: WHO CARES
6^ THERE ARE BOOBS WITH BOOBS WITH SMALLAR BOOBS
7. AND ASSES

thes si a pictare of a woman from E3, big deal, what a pork machene, ahahahahaha, boobs

becuase there are always womean with boobs and asses to sell gaems because if yuor game isant sponsered by a street whore or Hootars waitress (jerry's mom!!!) then yuor game will sell about as good as TEX ATAOMICS ROBOT BATTLE BIG DISCO HOUSE MANEAUVAR 9 IN SPACE whitch LITEHTECH made of course. they haev not gone bankrupts yet becuase Jason Hall KING OF TEH MONSTARS has scared teh bank into giveing him a millian dollars amonth or else he'll tear their bank apart and install purpal and red lighting evarywhere. OH NOS!!! hear si a low-cost interest loan for a monstar!!!

SO I haev made my own e3 thes year and it si bettar than teh e3s thes year becuase mine is called e3 x 3 and thats e9 and E9 SI BUIGGAR AND BETTAR THAN ANYTHING EVAR IN TEH WORALD!!! we will now take a look at soem of teh games at my e9 and sees taht were all talking a same language and taht langugage is love for a fact!

GAMES FEATARED AT E9
(THESE ARE EXCLUESIVE DEVELOPARS WHO WOULD ONLY TALKS TOO ME!!!) NOT GAMESTOP OR GAMEPOP OR GAMELOOP OR GAMEGAME OR GAMESPYS OR GAMEEMAG OR WHATEVAR, JUST ME!!!! (CLICK TEH NEXT PAEG TOO SEES THEM):

CLICK ON TEH NEXT PAEGE TO READS MORE TEXT MATARERIAL (THIS IS REAL CONTENT ARTICALS UNLIEK ANYTHING ON SHUGARSHANK OR FORK.COM WHO JUST MAKE LINKS AND THATS IT AND USAR COMMENTS ARE WRITTAN BY DUMMIES)