Eddie Reynolds, the local turtle impersonator. The last turtle impersonator was unfortunately hit by a Chrysler and is now stuffed and mounted on a certain war veteran's fireplace. Well he used to be at least, until I got all loaded up and threw a bowl of salami at it and it fell down into the fire which caught my goddamn carpet on fire, so I threw a whole bunch of gin on it to put out the flames but the fire just got worse so I ran downstairs into my basement and just waited it out until the firemen came and then I punched them in the lungs for breaking and entering.

Charlie Drummonds, one of the other VFW members who I used to play Poker with until I realized that he counted cards and cheated every single time. I used my tire iron to adjust the angle of his neck that night. I'm fairly sure I lost that tire iron while I was beating this ass old simp to a pulp, so I assume it's in there somewhere.

I don't know who these two blubbering cretins are, I don't even remember this picture, who the hell took this?

Enoch Yablonski: "HEY CLIFFY, SORRY TO HEAR THE ALZHEIMER'S IS KICKING IN, CAN YOU REMEMBER MY NAME, I'M YOUR BROTHER, THE GUY WHO THREW YOU OFF THE PICKUP TRUCK IN LARRI CITY LAST NOVEMBER."

Go shit up a snake you lousy freeloading creased slug, I may not be able to remember every single detail about every little thing, but at least I can still get it up without the help of an entire medical staff and a tube of super glue you limp sissy.

After I stole the engine from Doctor Frolick's car, he attempted to escape in his Nerdmobile. I couldn't find any engine to rip out of that thing, so I had to settle for his large intestines. At least that's what I think they were, it might've been a tapeworm.

The Catch and Release Program goes horribly wrong.