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243
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Television
troll is taking over the airwaves and changing
every channel into "Smear TV." The special
holiday 3-D episode features oily pubic hairs
that grow out of the television and strangle you
to death. It is therefore my civic duty to beat
this simp's skull in with a lamppost, and if you're
the goddamn cops and think otherwise, maybe you
should just sit in traffic because I make a difference
in the town, goddammit, and I'm a war veteran
and deserve respect and so what if I stole all
those tit magazines from the Gas N' Guzzle, it
doesn't matter because the owner of that filthshop
owes me $500 from the time his tree fell on me
after I attacked it with an axe because he was
acting like an asshole at his Christmas party
and his wife wouldn't put out no matter how hard
I punched her in the stomach. Now I fucking hate
oatmeal and it's that cocksmuggler's fault. |
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Office
Pirate's booty is the size of a goddamn tropical
island, only with more living creatures infesting
it.
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PORK
PORK
PORK
PORK
IN THE CARAMEL CHAIR!!!!!
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This
is as close to a shower as Greg Maynard will ever
get, except for when I get in that industrial
strength shipment of Brillo pads and I visit his
filthy apartment to scrub the face off his head. |
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That
white sack of shit's got a dog tag around her
neck, just in case she gets lost I guess. |
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James
Pester has two bottles of pop over his balls.
I gave him two pops from my automatic shotgun
the other day, and he's now significantly less
annoying. I have the solution to all of life's
problems! Also, I still fucking hate oatmeal!
More updates about oatmeal to come as I think
about them!
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