Tomato Tom covers up his "nasty parts." I consider his entire flaming scumsack body to be one huge "nasty part." His torso and legs "nasty parted ways" after I broke through his porch window and cut his gut open with an axe that I stole from the Home Depot after they tried to give me shit for trying to steal a wheelbarrow. Okay, maybe that "nasty parted ways" joke was stretching it a little, but I don't really give a damn and if you want my opinion, I think all of you Interweb geeks should take a hint and maybe do some pushups instead of reading my computer site you bozos.

This is Al Bernelli. He works at the North Appleton Whitestone Bank. I heard his face had to be artificially reconstructed from pieces of his butt after the time I smashed him in the face with a rake and used his tie to floss the inside of his throat. Don't EVER put your hard-earned cash into the North Appleton Whitestone Bank because they're all filthy liars there and they take your money and use it to buy foreign Jap money. I should know, one time I went in there and they were supposed to give me all my money I wanted and they gave me a goddamn Canadian quarter! I mean, what the fuck, I'm no goddamn Canadian Jap, and if any of you chucklefucks think that I am then you should just feel free to come visit my house and I'll kick your teeth in so far that you'll have to use your asscrack to chew food.

This is Alice Bernelli. Pray that they never figure out how to produce any kind of mutant offspring.

This is why I spray Mustard Gas all over my goddamn backyard. I found this thing in my gutter, holding onto a bag full of fried onions. I tried to put it in a glass jar, but nobody in this town makes jars that big.

Hey, that's really sexy there Neckroll Nancy. Thanks for crossing your arms and preventing your oozing flesh from dripping over the bed and consuming half of the town like "The Blob." Steve McQueen was in that movie and Steve McQueen was the last true American to ever grace the sliver screen. If you don't agree with me then it's your legal right to die.