"Dahhh, I have a purdy magic checkered egg! NOBUDY BETTAH TOUCH MY PURDY CHECKERED EGG!"

Werd to the suburbs!

Thomas Benning is living the high life - one hand down his pants, the other in a bag of Cheetos. Does it get any better than this? Yeah, right around the time I beat his pansy skull in like a rotting grape.

Howard McIntire poses for Glamour Shots. Only there's no glamour involved. And the only shots are the ones I've been drinking nonstop to keep me from committing suicide after seeing his photo.

Yeah, all the ladies go CRAZY over a SWEATY SHINY PLASTIC ELF MAN.

Somebody call the hospital! Greg Daniels fell on his date!