Little Amanda Rollins. For Christmas I bought her parents a Barry White CD with the following note attached:

TO: The Keepers of that Amanda devil beast

Here's a Barry White CD. It's obvious your first attempt was a complete disaster, so get in the mood and hope that the second time is a charm.

Also be sure to spay and neuter that thing because I dont want it mating with the wild boars.

Cliff.

South Appleton shitfarmers Melda and Ray Macross. Their plum lack o' shocks on their shitkickin Ford dun gone knock da teeth outta them mouths! It dun matter none cuz if DA truck wouldn't, then my fists would've. Get back to making jars of pickled preserves or whatever the hell you do.

Mikey Talyor has always got to have some meat between his legs. Here he gets buns too, which is the best of both worlds for him.

EXPLOSION IN THE HAIR FACTORY WOUNDS BLOATED HOG TEST SUBJECT.

"RAWWWWR! GODDAMN! ROOOWWWWWR!!!"

Another East Appleton Couch Party kicks off. Most Appleton City residents are either too stupid or too lazy to leave their house, so they just throw couch parties that involve drinking white wine and laying on top of each other.