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Flash - Moving Picture Shows!

That's right, I'm not just a failure… I'm a multimedia failure! And that's the best kind! I'm not very good with Flash, but I'm not very attractive either. Actually, I have very few redeeming qualities in general. That's why I'm on the World Wide Web! I'm afraid to go outside.

Movie Archive

  • Nerdshoe: Console War 2: In this sequel to the original console war, a Nerd in His Shoe intelligently discusses the prospects of the upcoming next-generation video game systems.

  • Saturday Morning Cartoon 2023: Using sophisticated time-travel technology, this "Saturday Morning Cartoon 2023" Flash feature is a sneak peek at what the animated children's entertainment of the future will look and taste like. In this episode, small children learn valuable lessons from Dyno-Bear and his gang of gay chums!

  • You In Love: You is in love! This is very romantic, so don't watch this if there are any females present or you may end up with a present in the form of a bundle of a not-much-joy!

  • You Adventure #1: Baseball Ballyhoo: An interactive choose-your-own-adventure multimedia mystery! In this exciting game of drama and skill, your task is to save Major League Baseball from the clutches of doom! Along the way you'll make some great friends and perhaps find the secret to true inner-peace!

  • Next Week: A glimpse into the future of Something Awful… one week from now! Written mostly by "Lowtax Looper" and drawn mostly by "K-Dog, Professional Loser." It's like a tag-team wrestling match!

  • Aborted!: Aborted! is a tale of courage, honor, and valor. It's also a terrible failure. I really can't explain why this exists. Oh, it's also over five and a half minutes long. I'm so sorry.

  • Nerdshoe: Oscar Preview: A Nerd in His Shoe's very special preview of the 74th Annual Academy Awards. Who will win? He doesn't really say. Who will lose? Everybody who watches this.

  • Big Huge Boat: This is a really expensive, overblown love story set on a big huge boat. It's quite boring and really annoying, but you'll never guess what happens to the unsinkable ship!

  • Murderous Deception: A stylish thriller that centers on a relationship crammed full of deception and murder. But there's more to it than just another deception murder, this is a murderous deception! Or is it?

  • A Foreign Film: This film was made in another country and that's all you need to know!

  • Nerdshoe: Console War: This is a lovely piece starring A Nerd in His Shoe and his thoughts regarding the upcoming console war (Xbox\Gamecube\PS2). It's basically unwatchable, thanks a lot, Nerdshoe!

  • Alien Invasion: the sprawling, epic, nearly four-minute tale of a crisis on an alien planet. Or is it? Let's just say fans of the most popular band in America are in for a treat! Features actual foolish attempts at animation, which is a big first for me!

  • A Gentleman Caller: A major motion picture chock-full of romance, drama, and suspense. Plus, there's a clever surprise cameo by the star of one of my previous world-despised flash creations! (see below)

  • High Society: The plodding, boring follow-up of sorts to "A Foreign Film," "High Society" explores many complex social dynamics and the cunning game of mice and dogs which spawn from such occasions.

  • Teddy Bear's Picnic: If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. The surprise? This movie BITES HARD.

  • Hip Cat!: People kept asking for Flash movies so I made this so they would stop asking.

  • GameSpy Flash: Only videogame nerds will understand these:
    Half-Life: Gordon Freeman Interview, Delay of Game.
    Unreal Tournament 2003: Two Weeks, It's Out.
  • Guest Star Appearances

    Due to my golden voice, I sometimes lend my throat sounds to other people's movies.

  • The Story of Thanksgiving/Christmas/whatever: Written/voiced by me and animated by Shmorky again. Very educational.

  • Jeff's First Date: Written/voiced by me, animated by Shmorky, and probably based on a true story.

  • Fairy Cyst: A wonderful cartoon written and animated by Shmorky, I just ruin it with my voice.

  • YOU ARE A CHEF!!!!!! (THE MOVIE): A Taco movie where I play "THE CHEF" and save the day.

  • River City Hacky Sack: I'm the announcer, but thankfully I'm disabled by default. Just like in real life.

  • Euro Calls PayPal: Magic Hat Detective animated this very stupid inside joke about a crazy SA Forum member who tried to sue Lowtax, blah blah blah.

  • TEH CASTAL ADVENTARE!!!: A JeffK game where I portray a King, an Elf, and also provide pleasing sound effects. I should be on Inside the Actor's Studio.

  • MAD ABOUT SCAREDY RETARD: A Taco animated series where I play the lead character, Scaredy Retard. I also croon the songs.

  • The Haunted Egypt: Taco The Wonderdog sent me a Flash movie with no sound and told me to make sound over it. So I did.

  • Crunchy Savior #5: I have a very brief cameo as God or Jesus Christ or something.

  • 4th of July Special: Semi Automatic Turban provides the soundtrack for Taco's horrible tribute to America.
  • Old Flash

    I did these little gems back in Summer 2000 while I was learning Flash 4. As you can see, I didn't learn much, and Macromedia banned me from using their products for a year.

  • NOOOO! (Boogie Time): My first "released" flash movie. This was played over an over again by my fellow former co-workers, causing thousands to suffer remarkable damage. I think it has a solid message, though.

  • My Goodness: An artist I worked with complained one day that he had just witnessed the worst, most annoying flash ad banner in existence. I decided to prove him wrong with this monstrosity. Background music provided by our good friends Semi Automatic Turban! Later, an even more painful version was released.

  • Quake 3: This has something to do with Quake 3, but I'm not sure what. One of my greater Internet shames, I think.
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