By day, Larry McNellis is a mild-mannered, weakling accountant. However, at night he transforms into... well, nothing. He just takes off his clothes and runs around in a towel like a dickless moron. Come to think of it, that's all he does during the day too. What a shitty superhero. Since I kick his stringy, scrawny ass every weekday, I guess that makes me a supervillian. Screw you.

AVERT YOUR EYES! DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE PASTY WHITENESS OR YOUR BRAIN WILL BE FOREVER SCARRED! Ray Browning is Mother Nature's natural form of birth control.

Alabama enforces a strict "Goth Registration" law. Queen Despair is shown here, shortly before she was given a Cure t-shirt and escorted from the building by armed guards.

To keep all you stupid rat-bastard punks from walking all over my lawn and bushes, I've asked The Bushmaster to protect my lawn. Next time you little shits think about taking a shortcut across my property so you can get to the Dairy Queen faster, you'll be getting a pair of nunchakus up your bloated ass. Knowing you freaks, you'll probably enjoy it.

Attacks from the Hideous Space Creatures sends millions of white spore clouds through the Earth's atmosphere, producing a horrendous race of super mutants. Here is their leader, Commander Jose Valasquez. TOOT TOOT!

Oh no! The magic Pasta Necklace of Doom is being protected by a constipated imp! Quick, all you Dungeons and Dragons simps, roll your collection of 93-sided dice to see if you can kill it with your Enchanted Sword of Geekiness!