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08.24.1999: Cranky Steve - Q2 DM: "The Abyss of Abysmal Death (That Means Abyss of Unmeasurable Death)"
You can climb up this supercool lookout tower thing!
Reviewed By: Cranky Steve
Game Mode Supported: DM

Overuse of Colored Lighting: Nope
Spelling Errors in Text File: Thankfully, no.
Pain Level: Headache from monotony.

Download Here (183k)

Hey look, the map goes down!
Ooh, it goes up too!

DESCRIPTION: "The Abyss of Abysmal Death (That Means Abyss of Unmeasureable Death)" can best be described as some kind of oil platform with parking garage type ramps in the middle of a hollowed out rock square. All kinds of people should like this map, from people who like going up inclines, to people that like descending platforms. There are six platforms on this vertical nightmare, but "don't be deceived though, the level is plenty large enough for 4-8 players." This is a purely theoretical statement, as there are not 4-8 people in this world that would play "The Abyss of Abysmal Death (That Means Abyss of Unmeasureable Death)" at once without being intoxicated or legally braindead.

THE MAP: The map's about 50 feet wide and 5,000 feet tall. You are rewarded for going up (or, conversely, down) by getting weapons that are placed behind random crate prefabs. The weapons for the most part are completely ineffective, as you can't target anybody because all the ramps go down and behind each other. The best tactic is to grab the grenade launcher and chuck cylinders of death randomly all over the map. No, scratch that, the best tactic is to grab the rocket launcher, blow yourself up, and end the pain. At the bottom of "The Abyss of Abysmal Death (That Means Abyss of Unmeasureable Death)" is some water, a floating crate, and a teleporter. The crate's sole function is to say "hey look, I know how to put floating crates in my map!", and the teleport warps you up to the top of the map so you don't have to spend another hour running up there yourself. This saved me a lot of trouble, as I often felt the need to rush to the top of the map and stare at the Quake 2 skybox for hours.

GAMEPLAY: When playing the Forgetful Lumberjack on this map, the two words that immediately sprung to mind were "saltwater enema." As I mentioned before, you can't target anybody on "The Abyss of Abysmal Death (That Means Abyss of Unmeasureable Death)" because of the parking garage layout; people are always running down, up, and behind the Quake 2 crates (tm). Spawn points all seem to be facing rock walls, so if you spawn anywhere near another player, you're a prime target for a second or two. Sounds fair to me.

There's something like one unique weapon per level, so if you can successfully go from the top of the map to the bottom without falling into a coma, you'll be loaded with guns. If you ever run out of ammo, you'll have to traverse the entire parking garage again, so get ready for some great fun!

FUN FACTOR: This is, by far, the best map I have ever played. Whoops, I'm sorry, replace the words "the best map I ever played" with "a small chunk of shit." It's uninspired, tedious, dull, and any other synonym for "boring" you can think of. At least there's not a shitload of colored lighting, I've got to give him that.

THE BOTTOM LINE: If you have a parking garage fetish or like maps designed like oil rigs, you still probably won't want to download "The Abyss of Abysmal Death (That Means Abyss of Unmeasureable Death)".

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 3
Gameplay: - 8
Item placement: - 7
Layout: - 6
Detail: - 1
TOTAL: - 25

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).

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