Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
The people are not clicking through to comment on our Kinja articles. I am sorry. We are pivoting to the Strange Object.
Serial killers: they're just like you and me.
Some Fish Are Just. Too. Big. To. Kiss.
My family wasn't interested in memes or racial theory. No matter how hard I tried to connect with them, they proved extremely intolerant.
This week, I'll be playing an '80s arcade rom rumored to be a CIA mind-control experiment. Please like and subscribe!
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
What you need is a cramped cargo hold that is an absolute pain in the ass to use. We're talking about a dusty half-closet that forces you to rearrange your entire collection of vests and striped pants to make room for a single crate of iridium jizz flutes.
Incorrect quotes are commonly attributed to historical figures and even contemporary politicians and celebrities. If we're done with reality, then let's use that to our advantage.
You're looking at the most popular tweet of all time. 28K retweets. 54K likes. Nothing comes close. For comparison, the second most popular tweet comes from president Barack Obama, trailing far behind with a mere 1.7K retweets and 4.6K likes.
Wait, so is the competition seriously not happening AT ALL this year???
The Hell Skeletons are here and people have some thoughts about their unholy rampage.
You tried, but you failed. And I'm here to tell you how in excruciating detail.
The scariest thing about Halloween isn't ghouls or ghosts. It's the PC police.
Are you ready to take your game to the next level of tier one? Prepare to own the field of the battleground in your next game of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds.
Ebay user todd1409 is a liar. The Cowboy Bebop DVDs were in flawless condition when I appeared at his door and threw them at him.
In 2010 it was possible to walk into any store that sold Apple products (an "Apple Shop" if you will) and purchase the best laptop the company ever produced. I'm talking, of course, about the...
Star Wars fan speculation has been swirling about the source of female ejaculation. The answers might finally be coming with the Last Jedi.
Lean in close to your screen. Inhale deeply. Does this guide give off a cloyingly sour odor? Then it is likely the genuine article.
Your guide to the main subreddits that there are.
"Oh, look, it's me from the future! And there's another me, made of anti-matter! All three of us are reaching out towards the exact same point in space, our fingertips on a collision course."
Levi Johnston finally comes clean about his involvement in the Weinstein scandal and details a disgusting incident that required a green screen.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? The manager's been following me around since the moment I set hoof in this place.
Another mass shooting, another gun control debate. Arm yourself with these verified Founding Father quotes to protect your gun rights.
You might be disappointed in me, but I'm honestly way more disappointed in myself.
The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild is the most popular, critically acclaimed Zelda game since Ocarina Of Time. Think about how many more SNES Classics it would sell!
HHS Secretary Tom Price has been caught making trips to his extravagant pleasuredrome. Now he has offered to pay us back. For the one chair he sits on.
If you grew up in the '90s, before the Ant People came in their death cruisers to conquer Earth and send its people to toil in the uranium mines of Formicus VII, you had a great childhood!
Hi studio. This James Cameron, needing money for Avatar movie times four. What I spend the money on below okay. It's good proposition.
Gentle creature Mark Zuckerberg informs you that he enjoys his dog and wife the normal human amount. That he has a plan. That he will be Gentle Leader.
Afraid of ideas and free speech? Well then you better not read this article, coward.
I did not see the Tokyo Game Show this year.
We use the hands to shred PHONE BILL. We know not where PHONE BILL originated, nor do we know what it means. These are matters of some philosophical debate. Some say the entire subject is out of our hands.
Our Madre app will commodifying momming and connect Madres with our users.
These are the unsung cowboy scientists. Forgotten pioneers, not only of the wild west but also of the wild frontier of systematic study through experimentation and observation.
Find out exactly What Happened with this complete list from Hillary Clinton's new book.
Get the REAL DIRT from BIG BOYS IN BLUE who deal with BAD HOMBRES!
Media for whoever wants it. If you want some media, just click here. I've got you covered.
Where does The IT Crowd fit into the It cinematic universe? Find out here!
The rise of freeze is overblown and nothing compared to the threat of antifreeze facing this nation.
Before my son, Daniel, was born, I secretly dreaded fatherhood. But the moment I first looked into his wide, inquisitive, glowing eyes, my life changed forever.
What would I do for $1,000,00? Live in a Swiss chalet for one year rent-free. Food and entertainment provided. My every whim anticipated, never experiencing a moment absent of absolute safety and comfort.
Wonder Woman is nowhere near is powerful as the giant blue catgirl James Cameron made on a computer with the help of his brother.
To be honest, it's extremely insulting to be labeled a "Nazi." Was I marching with several Nazis? Yes. Was I waving a Nazi flag as I marched? Yes, but only out of kindness: I was holding it for another man so he could wave a larger Nazi flag.
[sauntering up to joss whedon giving magazine interview] Hey are these guys bothering you
Internment Camp Queens Caught Scamming Extra Servings Of Water And Laying Around All Day In Government-Provided Housing