Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
Once again I'm stuck with a useless egg man statue and nobody to tend to my robust physical and emotional needs. Worst of all, the egg man didn't even come with a stool. I have to share my recliner and bed with him, and he is not sensitive to my needs at all.
Brock Lesnar was a successful UFC fighter, but a serious illness ate half his guts so he decided to retire from mixed martial arts and take things easy by slamming 300 pound men through tables. When he gets pumped up he does this victory/rage roar that sounds like a little baby bird bumping its knee on a tiny coffee table.
Proof that so-called "safe spaces" are not a recent invention! Nobunaga's ambition was to have a safe space where he did not have to hear or see or think about his enemies
Guess you should have respected your parents, because you're dead and in hell now and Jimmy Fallon has some games for you to play to pass the time forever.
Think you know everything there is to know about Hill Valley? Well, you can go straight to hell.
What If... the Red Skull became a master of disguise after discovering an alien artifact that allowed him to change the color of his skull at will?
Amazing kitties available at your local humane society.
We have determined what is necessary to become a good woman. Heed our advice or lapse into failure.
If you recognize the dog in the picture, then we have a big security breach. I personally banished this dog from the neighborhood, so if you saw him, that means he is trespassing and threatening our way of life.
Has the passion been fading from your relationship? Maybe it's time to try something new! Remind your partner that you love him or her with these fun and unique love coupons.
The internet is such an integral part of our lives that we often overlook how shitty and dull it is. We keep coming back for a high that's never there, a potential that remains unfulfilled. So it's up to us to find pleasure in the small things.
Federal law requires Nine Inch Nails to include all common side effects while promoting the benefits of their so-called "Perfect Drug."
NFL teams may soon be lining up to bid on a man who can destroy defensive lines as thoroughly as he destroyed his own child's balls.
One roommate's art-fueled movement goes terribly wrong.
Emma Stone was the most paranoid person I had ever met. In private she wore a full suit of medieval armor at all times, visor down.
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
Finding the right hat can feel like walking through a minefield for guys. Did a murderer wear your hat? Was it ruined by bros? Are you just an idiot? Find out with our authoritative ranking of bad hats.
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
To start the windshield wipers I bet you have to put two fingers against the glass and swipe. This is a reference to touchscreens.
Women on the Oscars Red Carpet this year finally get some decent questions thanks to the #AskHerMore campaign.
25 years after their famous feud began, we find out who truly risked leading America down the road to ruin.
New Rule: no more injecting your religion into this debate. The vaccine science is in and I have read several articles about it on Natural News.
What critics are saying as they press their wobbly newborn heads through the shells of their rectangular wooden eggs and squint up at the complex's halogen lights: "Unforgettable! A classic!"
The only thing that matters is that you don't have to show up.
The official USA ranking of all American presidents, from George Washington to George W. Bush and beyond. Where does your favorite president rank?
Heed the warnings of Axl Rose and do not visit an actual jungle. And if you do, be prepared to poop yourself to death.
Since the 1800s, Cheltenham has been held every March in a small British hamlet that is coincidentally also named Cheltenham. There are horse beauty pageants, horse merry-go-rounds for the kids, and horse races, which flourish as a catalyst for angry people who love gambling and becoming steadily angrier throughout the course of four days.
A familiar silhouette steps into the outline of a too-large moon. In his trademark raspy growl, Link mutters "Sometimes I don't even know what I'm fighting for."
In this touching and deeply spiritual prose poem, the Lord finally answers my questions about all those footprints on the beach.
NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams apologizes for getting confused about some details about an incident that happened a long time ago on the planet Krull.
Find out what happened to Scout, Jem, and the rest in Harper Lee's first novel since 1960.
Most people take a hands-on approach to their lives. I prefer to observe mine from a respectful distance. From this vantage point I've noticed some worrying behavior. This might shatter the mental image that you've built up, but I'm beginning to think I might be a big dumb idiot.
Unless we need a real life example of what that green gas in The Rock does to a human body, you aren’t really offering much to the workplace.
Will you die fighting for what you believe or will you be stepping out of the shower when your pet kills you? From samurai duels to Craigslist deals gone bad, we rank all the ways to die.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This is the crown jewel of my erotic lamp collection, and a must-have for any serious pleasure lamp collector.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
That atheist professor should have kept his mouth shut around this American Sniper.
The Cartoon Kingdom is restless. At its heart, a mad tyrant.
If you live in north America or Europe, the New Nintendo 3DS (not to be confused with the Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo 2DS, Nintendo 3DS U, or Nokia N-Gage) will not come with an AC adapter. I'm pretty sure that means you won't be able to charge the internal battery unless you rub the system against a power outlet for a few days and hope for the best.
What if SparkNotes were written by the people who need to read SparkNotes? It's here.
6-year-old Hunter died and went to heaven. It just wasn't the heaven he was expecting.
Time to say goodbye to suburban and city clutter and move out to an unzoned property with just me, my dog, and a selection of adult magazines in special compartments.
Brooklyn was once a hotbed of gang violence, with groups like the Pure Hells, Satan Souls and Screaming Phantoms carving out their turf. The borough has gotten a bit safer over the years, but many dangerous gangs are still at large.