Mothers, Danzig warned you in general terms about his nefarious intentions. Now find out what he specifically intends.
Makes baby look too appetizing. Also I have my thigh stuck in one and I can't get it off. It's so tight around the skin I can't cut it without risking injury. IT'S A LONG STORY AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX.
Starting a company is difficult for anyone - doubly so if you happen to be a monster. Make the most of your unique situation with a clever business name to catch the customer's eye.
Jump Street stars and infamous emailers Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill review some of the biggest movies in theaters now.
We have an exclusive leak of twelve more Star Wars character cards from The Force Awakens!
One CIA operative finds fault with his colleague's whimsical version of enhanced interrogation.
Scientists have identified many issues with the Monty Hall Problem, such as the fact that even after taking the best choice, there's still a chance you might lose. Some scientists have also criticised the Monty Hall problem after successfully solving it, and then being told that the prize was made up.
Step One: Be a total asshole
Discovery's special featuring naturalist Paul Risolie donning a suit of rejected Halo armor and being very slightly "eaten" by a python needs to become a series.
Surrendering to police can be dangerous for black men. These tips might just save a life.
The unexamined life is not worth living, which is why it's important to live your life in front of a webcam, where it can be examined by hundreds of lonely men. But like any fine art, camming has its do's and don'ts.
All these idiot women saying we are misogynists need to get a clue. #GulperGate is about protecting something precious and important: the flow of water. This is once again the actions of a radical feminist pushing her standards on the local drinking fountain community, which by pure coincidence, is made up entirely of single men.
The first Matrix film didn't expand my worldview. It established my worldview. The Matrix introduced concepts I had never thought about before: Reality, computers, religion, social issues.
If you're looking for a Cyber Monday bargain, and you're a weirdo, you can't do better than these fantastic deals.
In case you read my profile online and got excited, I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
gee, sun, thanks for life and warmth and light. you totally did it on purpose and aren't just a stupid exploding deathtrap
You say collaboration like it's a bad word.
The ocean is full of the stuff of nightmares and, no thanks to all that water, you can't even kill it with fire.
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.
Internet bullies have been ganging up on Assassin's Creed: Unity, claiming it's full of glitches. You might have seen a few screenshots that looked a little weird out of context.
America's voice of scientific reason goes on a twitter tirade over the scientific accuracy of the possessed doll film Annabelle.
We have curated a garden full of superior vegetables for you this rooftop growing season.
After nearly 25 years on the air, and recent pairings with Family Guy and Futurama, The Simpsons are getting ready to crossover with an unlikely group: themselves.
People don't tend to think much about their choice of [product associated with brand], so even the smallest thing can stick in someone's head and influence their choice. If someone wants to eat pizza, they're going to make their choice based on... let's say... which pizza is funniest. Oooh, the funny pizza, let's buy the funny pizza, from on-line!
Buy one pilot lesson, get all the refried beans you can hold in your hands for the duration of the lesson free!
Temperature down 10 degrees, calorie count up 10,000.
The time-honored art of creeps using lines to pick up women at clubs is not for the thoughtful.
Sure, he made us forget he exists, but when you remember him you will realize he has done so much more.
Sometimes I'd get bullied while driving the driver's ed car. The guy behind me would give me a wet willy so hard that his finger would poke through my eardrum and into my skull, damaging the part of my brain that processed depth and time.
There ain't nobody tough enough to make Stone Cold Steve Austin eat his veggies! No one in that damn locker room. No one in this whole damn arena. No on in the entire damn universe has the muscles to open my mouth and make me chew on a damn broccoli.
Paying your respects isn't the only use for your F key at a military funeral. Impress your friends with these interactive tricks in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare.
Take an exclusive look inside the new Terminator: Genisys film that has the Internet buzzing.
This isn't about harassment. It's about ethics in cat journalism.
A cared for collection of second long subversive kinks found in Hollywood releases, saved forever in 240p.
The world's most popular battery review site can host some fairly spirited debate about batteries.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
Call of Duty Advanced Warfare promises to up the ante on Kevin Spacey's face in a video game.
Take a journey to the haunted end of the uncanny valley with these terrifying and just plain terrible youtube videos for children.
The hermit crab of retail shares his business secrets.
As an aspiring pro gamer [with many industry ties], I've been working on my own competitive Super Smash Bros strategy, which accounts for spacing, matchup, meta, combo, all that sort of good stuff. If you study my guide and keep your eyes on the prize, you just might be able to hold your own in December, when the Wii U version is released!
To fully comprehend the separation between the have and have-nots in the ALCS and the NLCS, we must compare to realms beyond baseball.
Naming a baby is hard, so take it easy and use one of these twenty popular baby names. We give you the whole story behind each one.