The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
Do you have what it takes to make it on the ballot?
Tomorrow's tech headlines you never want to see, before you have to see them.
Tonight airs the big crossover of stew and bart! See these exclusive screenshots!
If you're heading somewhere in a convoy, you can probably use these lesser known trucker songs.
Hear the man out. His ideas for stopping ISIS feature more action figure potential than any other plan to date.
Cons: Have to leave camp to steal batteries, sometimes catch a glimpse of my reflection in spatula and recoil at the terrible thing I've become. Very difficult to receive packages at my current location.
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
The first time "fast", "decisive", and "efficient" could have been used to describe the Minecraft development team was when they snatched the $2.5 billion dollar check out of Microsoft's sweaty, shaking hand.
Paleo guru and definite non-idiot Luke K. clears the air about some of your favorite pumpkin treats this holiday season. Also he weighs in on the controversy surrounding a paleo wedding cake.
One wizard thinks our President's magic control initiatives have gone too far.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Face it, bro, you're never going to get a hot babe with us around. We're the bad boys. It is definitely our fault women don't like you.
SEO stands for sEarch Engine Optimization and it means you use a lot of words to pull the wool over google's eyes! EXAMPLE: Site 1 uses the meta tag ‘keyhole’ for its locksmith page. It gets 200 hits per day. Meanwhile, site 2 uses meta tags like ‘lock gamer humor’ and ‘lock hair growth gaza.’ It gets 200 hits per day as well - yeah, 200 thousand.
A bobby goes bad in this obscene UK remake of 1992's Bad Lieutenant.
PREPARE for a voyage of electronic proportions at the speed of sound! I am Digitalario Futurebits, your humble tour guide through the newly opened World Wide Web. Your navigator of this netscape, if you will.
You thought you knew everything about hot-and-cold sex hunk Christian Grey? Think again. There are 50 things you didn't know. Shades, if you will. Sex shades.
One of Hollywood's greatest stars yearns for the day his body will be in demand.
Over the last few weeks an outnumbered but brave group of men calmly used facts and logic to conclusively prove that women are ruining video games with their lustful object bodies. But there are other threats to everything gamers hold dear.
Sleeping with AC is at this point a basic human right. But if you're one of the doomed souls forced to deal with global warming on a nightly basis, here's an hourly breakdown on how to get the most out of your inferno hellscape of a bedroom.
Some of the Internet's most veteran anatomy experts convened to discuss the stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and other beautiful celebrities.
Master is troll wizard, so's if he get angry he might cast spell up on my self and bite off my whole head in one chomp.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
This lousy world just gets lousier every year as these stores put out their skeletons and Santas in summer.
Our fake testimonials lower customers' defenses by making your company appear reliable and desirable. How does it work? An advanced algorithm (coded and executed entirely in NewtonScript) looks for words on the internet and then it finds some names and adds those too.
Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige lays out the plan for Marvel launching a movie based around a female super hero's ass.
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
It's time we stop tolerating lawlessness in our cities and coddling these criminals. Twenty seconds to comply is too long for ED-209 to get the job done.
My brain is a football... of the mind. Oblong, powerful, supple. With it I am able to foresee everything that is destined to occur in the upcoming NFL season with 100% certainty. Benefit from my knowledge or die.
Musician and actor Ice T's reading of a D&D book has finally arrived and it is as good as you thought it would be.
Recently, I won a trip to New York City to appear on "New York or Butts?", a game show where contestants must distinguish aerial photos of Manhattan from pictures of bloody, hemorrhoidal anuses. While touring the city, I discovered some great spots that all visitors to the Big Apple should add to their itinerary.
You thought you could get away with it. Now you will pay the price for your disloyalty to Subway.
We believe these policies are a net positive for everyone in the futuristic medium of prolonged menu fiddling, saying "uhh", and pausing to look at a chat window every ten seconds.
After first witnessing a toiletman performer as a child, French inventor Guillaume Foss realized his destiny and transformed himself into a permanent toilet.
Helpful hints for your modern-day tomb raider.
TECH SUPPORT AGENT (me): Is your phone turned on? Is it the obvious thing? Are the facts all straight? CALLER: What the f***!? You f****** b****!! AAAugh [flailing, some spittle]
Of all the bad things that could have happened to Toledo--tetanus endemic, Spartacus level riots of human trafficking victims, the sudden realization of its trapped existence in north west Ohio-- succumbing to a temporary algae bloom is pretty damn good.
Neo Country Buffet is about to E.X.P.L.O.D.E. with these deals on food sourced locally from the violent underbelly of the city.