The Magic of Toys Will Shut Up Your Child!
Angry and hopeless Trump voters take heart: there is a man who is out for justice for America.
People can't stop talking about this Donald Trump character. He's said a lot of crude and hateful things over the years, and demonstrated a tremendous lack of judgment, discipline and decency. If you ask me, he's not fit to be our president. In fact, he's not even fit to be mayor of Buffoontown.
No silkier pelt nor softer voice can be found above or below the roots. Gentle Creature is the leader we need.
Your local Halloween Superstore is back in town, bringing with it quality products and a plea for sanity from its proprietor.
My clothes surround my body. A bright yellow jacket of flexible plastic surrounds my layers of clothing. The areas of my skin covered by clothing and jacket are as they always are, more or less. My hands are exposed. My neck, face, and head are exposed. I feel water and wind upon all of this skin.
A complete guide to every type of apple you'll find on the orchard.
The clowns are coming and these candidates aren't the heroes we want, or the ones we need, or even heroes, but they're what we have.
Office cubicles look a lot like a maze, if you arrange them into a maze and forget that in a maze you have to walk around, not just sit in a chair and browse Facebook all day.
The king of deadpan absurdism ain't no angel
Everything dies...especially beloved cartoon characters!
The internet is causing individuals to become more insular, seeking out only those who agree and shutting out alternative viewpoints. All my friends agree.
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
If you still have any difficulty transitioning to chip readers, please refer to the FAQ compiled from average user reactions.
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
One morning a widening pool of gasoline formed beneath an old car in the parking lot. My manager urged me to grab a bag of cat litter to contain the leak and minimize the chance of a fire. I sprinted away, then turned back and - in a moment of absolute sincerity - asked him which brand.
Hillary clinton called me a deplorable which is a bad thing so I made a new frog man.
As is the case with all political speeches, Hillary Clinton's "basket of deplorables" comment exists as one of thousands of possible options run through high-priced consultants and focus groups. Here are some of them.
hey im making this thread to see if anyone would be interested in a thread about some weird things i found in a smoldering crater upon the hillside. the first thing is the book of infinite knowledge.
Make sure your trip starts off with a rushed, anxiety inducing nightmare.
Sorry, feminists, but I will not be slurping the 'ghet and grabbing on your rack in the hot tub I made in my PT Cruiser.
Critics of Obamacare claim that it's unconstitutional, increases the national debt and imposes too many costs on businesses. But what do they propose we replace it with?
Tensions are mounting as Shaggy Butte's thirstiest gulpers have been hung out to dry. The Rug Emporium, home of the town's most popular fountain, has been taken over by foreign invaders.
Me? I'm just a regular American man. I like to put in a full day of hard work in the Sisyphus Pod, pushing that ol' virtual boulder up the sloping sides of the grid bowl only for it to tumble down again.
We see you trying to block our shit. We are gonna smoke you out. You can't click our content now, motherfucker.
When work becomes "fun," life becomes hell.
Don't let anyone tell you that you're a wasteful, careless, selfish individual because of your shower habits.
Someone told TIME magazine about trolling and now we all just have to deal with it.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
James Cameron's plans for future Avatar movies include some information about dinosaur sex he saw on the Internet.
Thought what fell on us was pizza / But it was ooze saying nice to meet ya
The daily cycle of pain and remorse as you frantically attempt to save the last bit of juice.
An update from the strange and majestic body horror of the Olympic Games in Rio.
Gingerdead Man 3: Someone punches or just sort of pokes the Gingerdead Man, exploiting his one weakness of being a man made of gingerbread.