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08.26.1999: Cranky Steve - Q2 DM: "Bank Job"
Only the finest and most secure banks have picnic tables in them.
Reviewed By: Cranky Steve
Game Mode Supported: DM

Overuse of Colored Lighting: No
Spelling Errors in Text File: No text file.
Pain Level:
Wearing too tight underwear.

Download Here (148k)

After you rocket jump over the wall, a terrible secret is revealed - the bank is actually in the middle of the BORG SHIP!
That would be a spawn point embedded the that there wall.

Another piss-poor "realistic" map for Action Quake that makes extensive use of all available patio furniture prefabs.

DESCRIPTION: Well, you're in a small, square bank that is full of prefab lawn furniture. That's it. Oh yeah, it's quite poorly rendered too, but I'm sure everybody out there already assumed this.

THE MAP: A bunch of small square rooms inside a larger square room. There are some vague "bank related" elements in this map, such as a safe and some prefab cameras on the wall, but other than that, this map could be titled anything; "Fisherman's Wharf Rumble", "Battle in the Large Square Restroom", "Hospital Hilarity", anything. There's a long board running alongside the outside of the bank / bathroom / hospital / vague square entity, which takes you to the roof. There isn't really anything up there except a way to rocketjump off the edge and see the map from below, which is a thrilling experience indeed. Thank god the author doesn't understand the concept of skyboxes. Hell, the author probably doesn't even understand the concept of "wet paint".

GAMEPLAY: Well me and The Forgetful Lumberjack played a few games of one-on-one in this nightmare, and I have to admit, it was kind of fun. The combination of the map being about eight square feet with the lack of any available armor or health made it a really interesting match. Oh yeah, the doors have a tendency to kill you when you walk through them, which adds another exciting variable to the game, just like the spawn points which are stuck in the walls (see picture to the left).

FUN FACTOR: The map is so bad, you just can't help but have fun when you're hiding from somebody behind a bright orange picnic table in the middle of a huge white bank that has doors which kill you. Is that a run-on sentence? If so, I don't give a shit.

THE BOTTOM LINE: It's bad, but enjoyably bad. Rumor has it that the map was made for Action Quake, which makes perfect sense to me.

- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 4
Gameplay: - 2
Item placement: - 2
Layout: - 2
Detail: - 5
TOTAL: - 15

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play)

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