Front Page
   Ask Jeff K
   Awful Links
   Backyard Love
   Clan Hell
   Deeper Looks
   Fake SA
   Kid's Korner
   Legal Threats
   Len's Law
   Reviews - Games
   Reviews - Movies
   ROM Pit
   State Og



   Bjørnar B.
   Cliff Yablonski
   Cranky Steve
   Jeff K.
   Leonard Crabs
   Planet Sandy
   SA Turban
   The Stile Project
   Penny Arcade
   Geist Magazine
   Old Man Murray
   Portal of Evil
   Troma Films

   Blues News
   The Shuga Shack

12.08.1999: Cranky Steve - Q2 DM: "Camper Heaven"
Hooray! We're going camping in the bowels of Hell! Yeaaaah!
Reviewed By: Cranky Steve
Game Mode Supported:
Deathmatch possibly
Overuse of Colored Lighting: Yes
Spelling Errors in Text File: No
Pain Level:
Camping outside of Richard Simmons' house to catch a glimpse of him naked.

Download Here (168k)


Lots of armor await you (6 red suits in one room) if you can tell them apart from the background.
Aah, nothing like camping in the great... uh, indoors.

Ha ha, it's a campground... you know, because people camp in Quake! Ha ha, that is funny, not unlike hit comedian Yahoo Serious.

DESCRIPTION: "400+K for a map file that took only 10 hours to make? I think i'm on a roll... =)"

I think he's on a mixture of metamphetamines and Windex. Anybody who thinks a map is good merely due to the size of it (and lack of time it took to create) is either a complete moron or Erik. Sometimes these two categories overlap. And in either case, it's just not a good thing.

This map is supposed to be some perverse tribute to camping, you know, because it's a "clever" play on words. Maybe the map would be better if you could distinguish the random blobs that litter each square room and determine how they relate to camping. I sure as hell can't, but then again, I'm not really sparing too much energy to try and figure it out. I have better things to do, like... uh... review other bad maps and watch car chases on TV.

THE MAP: You spawn in some otherworld type of "campground" with a few rectangle bonfires that float above the ground for some reason. In the middle of the square room (with the "Doom" logo texture on the ceiling) there's some kind of house / barn / spaceship / mess with the quad inside. Littering every corner of the map is a completely solid tent with no way in. What a great idea, tents that are built around the campers, allowing no unwanted intruders (bears, criminals, light, oxygen) to get it. If those idiots in the Blair Witch Project had some cool tents like these, they wouldn't have ended up staring into the corner of an abandoned house (ooh, scary!).

To get to the other "campground" (I can't think of any better word for it), you must cross a bridge over some lava. Many campgrounds these days are put near lava pools so the white trash that hitch their trailers up can just toss all their trash directly into it. The BFG is, of course, balanced precariously over some kind of lava tube, meaning that anybody going to get it will fall directly into the blazing death. Oh, the wacky and crazy things mapmakers do these days!

The last room has six suits of red armor all within an arm's reach of each other, perfect for servers that are playing with a custom config that allows a maximum armor level of 59,000. A floating red candle hovers inside the block of house that squats in the middle of the room. It's only purpose appears to be a big sign that says "Hey look, I know how to make red lighting! Ignore all the blocks of concrete and feces that surround this light, just stare in awe at the wonders of RED LIGHTING!"

GAMEPLAY: It's really, really dark and really, really red. One room is full of weapons, one is full of armor, and another is chock full of lava. If, for some odd reason this sounds unbalanced, it's probably only because it is. Your gameplay strategy will depend on what room you start in. Here's some hints:

If you start in the weapons-only room, you're going to want to avoid getting shot, as you'll have no armor

If you start in the armor-only room, you're going to want to avoid shooting people, as you'll have no gun.

Does this sound interesting? Does this sound fun? If you don't totally have an orgasm at the mere thought of this map, you probably should see your psychiatrist and get a refill of Paxil.

FUN FACTOR: Below average. The colored lights (and lack of any lighting) take what conceivable fun could be derived from a map with a central theme of rock-solid tents and large caches of weapons and armor.

THE BOTTOM LINE: How many people camp indoors? There's a reason why the answer is "less than zero". If you can't figure it out, download this map and see for yourself.

- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 5
Gameplay: - 6
Item placement: - 7
Layout: - 5
Detail: - 6
TOTAL: - 29

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).

Email LowtaxSearch Something AwfulMain Page