supposed to get in this door. Don't ask me how.
Oh yeah, nice lighting, eh?
you like darkness? Do you like not being able to go
from room to room in a map? Do like typing "noclip"
in the console to get from one room to another? I don't,
and consequently thought this map sucked harder than
Richard Simmons in a sailor's convention.
The author, who must've been in a drunken stupor while
writing the text description, claims this is a single
player map. If the term "single player" just
means that "there are bad guys placed randomly
in the map", then yeah, I guess it's single player.
In the description, the author says there are three
bugs in this map. Let me list them here and give you
a description of what they mean:
are a few alignment problems":
is fucking ugly
is inadequate in places":
can't see shit
must jump and crouch to exit the pillbox":
is no way to exit this room
MAP: Well, you spawn into a room with a couple flags
on the walls. There are a few of the insane Quake 2
grunts, casually walking around and clipping into the
walls as if to say 'We want out of this map too, please
help us.' I felt very sorry for them, and tried to rescue
them all, but I wasn't able to. I had to settle for
shooting them to death with my blaster and putting them
out of their misery. It was the humane thing to do.
Frankie, da flag won't fit in DA room!"
"Duhh, so whut, Louie, nobody will notice!"
so you jump through the big flag and end up in a room
with a plank over a lava pit. Now I know what you're
thinking, 'Gee Cranky Steve, sounds like you need to
jump on the plank to get over the lava pit!' Nope. Bzzzzt!
Wrong! You keep forgetting that only in a good map would
you do something like that. You see, there is a reason
this map is on Cranky Steve, and it's not because the
author is serving a five year jail sentence for soliciting
a horse. If you try to do the rational thing and jump
onto the plank, you realize that it's not solid and
you fall straight through to the lava. Whee! Actually,
it turns out that there's not even anything behind the
door either; you were meant to fall into the lava, so
you could get to a teleport that warps you to the next
room. Once again, whee!
that teleporter, you end up in a room the size of a
confessional booth. There does not seem to be any way
to escape from this room. There's a small window, but
it's not big enough to fit through, and to add to the
fun, there's about six guys outside lobbing grenades
in through the window. Oh yeah, and you're still stuck
with the blaster as well! The fun never ends in this
map! I guess that's ok though, as it looks like a blind
and drunk spotlight operator is controlling the lights
outside, so there's no real motivation to get there.
I think I just turned on noclip then and jumped out
of the map as fast as I could.
Uhm, "sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks" is the best
way I can convey how I feel about this map. Sure, a
map with no way to get from one room to the next sounds
like a fantastic idea on paper, but it just seems to
fail during execution. I don't know why.
FACTOR: The best way to experience how fun this
map is it to turn off all the lights in your room and
lock yourself in the closet until somebody comes by
and starts shooting grenades at you. Oh yeah, make sure
the closet is full of poisonous snakes and scorpions
as well, so you can really absorb the pain.
BOTTOM LINE: I'd like to burn an effigy of this
map while cursing the author's name and shouting obscenities
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible).
Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece
of shit you'll ever play).