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10.14.1999: Cranky Steve - Q2 DM: "Huts"
Oh John Carmack, please save us once you get out of that grunt's ass.
Reviewed By: Cranky Steve
Game Mode Supported: No clue
Overuse of Colored Lighting: Yeah
Spelling Errors in Text File: No text file.
Pain Level: Sticking Crayola crayons into eye sockets after playing "Catch the Toaster" in the bathtub.

Download Here (240k)


Welcome to my hut. I got a two-year old to wallpaper the place.
It's hard to pick up ESPN in here. Maybe the green is interfering with the signal.

Grunts writhe in pain all over the place in this technicolor nightmare.

DESCRIPTION: "Huts". They're "huts", I guess. That's about it.

THE MAP: "Huts" seems to be some sort of backlash against the competent Quake mapping community. Inside this one bigass square block, there's a series of smaller "huts", which are rectangular, fullbright rooms. The constant theme in the map, besides the obvious "our revolving-door prison system just doesn't work" is "a million insane grunts in pain". Everywhere you step is another grunt, bent over and reeling in pain, from either the colored lighting, claustrophobic layout, train wreck of pre-fab satellite dishes, or just the general pointlessness of the map. Like many other maps I have reviewed, texturing doesn't seem to be one of the mapper's main skills, ranking up there with being able properly light a level and getting through an entire day without jacking off to their parent's newest Sears catalogue. Not that I'm saying the map author has a masturbation problem; he's probably just your everyday dog molester.

GAMEPLAY: While jumping from rooftop to rooftop over these "huts", trying desperately to avoid the insane grunt army, I was often reminded how precious life is, and how we need to start reflecting on the positive and beautiful things in life instead of dwell on the negative. That said and out of the way, this map sucks shit so hard it made my balls shrivel up into my stomach.

Weapon placement seems to have been created by putting all the guns on the back of a speeding pickup truck and tearing through the level. They're placed all over the joint, ensuring even Ray Charles could pick up an entire arsenal by simply wandering around aimlessly. Actually, he'd probably have the advantage, as he would be immune to the effects of the RGB lighting nightmare of this square fuckfest. Damn blind people, they get all the breaks.

FUN FACTOR: I would say none, but that would insult everything the word "none" stands for. Instead, I'll make up my own term / definition for shitbag maps like this: "Crankass". This map is so crankass, it makes me want to chew glass. Hey, that rhymes. I should become a rapper, or at least start getting paid like one.

THE BOTTOM LINE: "Huts" isn't really about huts. It's about poor, pixelated grunts that can't escape the boxy, neon hell. It's about weapons that seem to be randomly growing from the ground. It's about high r_speeds and chunking that will make your computer want to throw up magenta sperm. This map isn't very fun, and it is only a map by the most base, technical definition of the word.

I didn't enjoy this map.

- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 7
Gameplay: - 9
Item placement: - 5
Layout: - 6
Detail: - 8
TOTAL: - 35

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).

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