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09.08.1999: Cranky Steve - Q2 DM: "INet"
Maybe this room looked good in theory.
Reviewed By: Cranky Steve
Game Mode Supported: Deathmatch.
Overuse of Colored Lighting: Yes, green is bad.
Spelling Errors in Text File: No text to make fun of.
Pain Level: Anal probe with saltwater enema.


I love lava.
That's the invulnerability down there. You can't get out once you get it.

The theme of this map is basically "red and green", so I guess it's kind of a Christmas-y map. Trust me folks, you don't want this left under your tree.

DESCRIPTION: Alert reader Jason Caprio sent me this map, because according to him, it was created by Chilly[UWS], a guy who's "a real bastard." After checking out this map, I tend to agree. Oh yeah, when you run the map, it's title asks, "John Shaft - Can You Dig It?" I couldn't.

THE MAP: It's a series of interlocking rooms created by somebody with a short attention span and a lack of Ritalen. There's all the characteristics that I've grown to realize are synonymous with shitty mappers, namely:

1) Lava,

2) Idiotic "traps" that are really just "stupid ideas that will kill you when you try to get a weapon",

3) Colored lighting that seems to have come from an industrial accident involving a Skittles truck and a blind man with an airhose.

Yeah, we've got neon green hallways with no discernible lightsource. We've got huge red rooms with only one entrance and just one weapon. We've got platforms that serve no clear function or purpose. As far as I can tell, the author created this map, one room at a time, after getting consecutive frontal lobotomies between each creation.

GAMEPLAY: No, no gameplay. Checking out this map by myself gave me a big enough headache, I couldn't bother to play it multiplayer. Plus, The Forgetful Lumberjack was playing that stupid Everquest game, he was charming Sand Giants or some lame shit like that. I forgot he like's em big and hairy, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

FUN FACTOR: None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. The map's not piss-poor awful, but it's not fun enough to play or even look at screenshots of.


- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 4
Gameplay: - 6
Item placement: - 4
Layout: - 7
Detail: - 6
TOTAL: - 27

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).

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