of the cubes.
do you prefer, the red square
of light or pure darkness?
Well in this room, you get
the best of both worlds! HOORAY!
teleporter room. There's one
here that's actually IN the
floor. And yes, that's Carmack's
head floating up there.
A map that's incredibly illogical,
poorly planned, and radiating eye-scortching
lighting that wasn't done
by Erik? How can this be...?
I have to admit, it was quite fun
reading through the included text
file. Well, at least more fun than
playing the map. The author claims
this map is "A realy cool
city inside a room with lots of
telepoters in the floor. It is awsome!!!"
Notice that the author used the
literal meaning for "in the
floor", as there's a couple
teleporters that are actually inside
the floor which you cannot get to.
I haven't found the "cool city"
yet, but maybe the rotating Carmack's
head prefab counts as a city or
something. This map is indeed awesome
though, awesomely amazing that Erik
didn't do it.
had a sneaking suspicion that weapon
placement wasn't going to be exactly
stellar as the text file also states,
"You are in an indoor city
with only one weapon. BLaster. This
map will shoe who is the real good
quake 2 platyer. This map requirs
skill, timing, and strategy to play."
Yeah, the blaster, the best weapon
in Quake 2. And only this map has
the guts to require you to use it
exclusively. Well, this map and
a few hundred other shitty ones
that I've reviewed...
MAP: Squaretown, baby. Cruise
from one square room to the next,
marveling at the patented "lighting
from hell" (tm). You can grab
the megahealth, which is cleverly
hidden inside a cube of yellow lava
which floats above the main room.
It's kinda tricky getting in there,
as you have to walk into a teleporter
and such. As you can probably guess,
the problem is not with getting
into the floating cube of lava,
it's getting out. The exit hole
/ hatch is a bit too small to fall
out of, so you end up taking a dive
into the surrounding lava and getting
killed. Is this a trap? A design
flaw? Who knows... but it's fucking
you can tell from the screenshots,
the lighting is intensely red. I
think this is a good idea because
I like red alot. I often see the
color red after reviewing a particularly
bad map. I thought that this was
because of my unbridled rage and
uncontrollable urge to slaughter
the mapmaker, but it turns out that
my eyesight has just been damaged
so much by colored lighting, red
is all I can see. And I was wondering
why my drinking water looked like
there's no weapons. Or items. Except
the megahealth. This brings up an
interesting question; why would
you want to prolong your life in
a map this bad? I would personally
make a direct run into the lava
if deathmatching on this horror.
I mention there's that prefab rotating
Carmack head in this map? One of
the requisites in "Awful Mapping
101" states that all shitty
maps must have it somewhere in them,
under penalty of death (making the
author play his own map).
Painful. As exciting as a "blaster
war inside a red and pitch black
room" sounds, it just wasn't
all that great.
FACTOR: If anybody out there
can find anything remotely fun in
this map, you're a better man than
me. Or woman. I'm a lousy woman.
I just don't have the hips, so fuck
BOTTOM LINE: I'll let the ratings
speak for myself.
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to
-10 (painfully terrible). Total
score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the
worst piece of shit you'll ever