a dark, pulsating, colored
hallway! In this map! What
are the odds?
on the lift to your left and
become a grunt pancake.
Powers, new heir to the throne of
intensely-stupid mapping, unleashes
a series of levels with colored
lighting so bad your monitor will
make you sterile.
"Can also be fun to try
with Rocket Arena 2 he he all the
lights is colored so its looks best
with a 3dcard.. It rather small
map it have 4 respawn points..."
think we should all take a moment
and reflect upon the subjective
use of the word "good".
"Good" can be used by
somebody to describe a car, football
play, or emotion. For Jon Powers,
"good" describes how he
felt when he was able to cram the
third hamster into the Sailor Moon
underwear he was wearing.
the lights are colored (this is
a Cranky Steve map, what the fuck
did you expect?) but strangely enough,
the author's claim of "its
looks best with a 3dcard"
isn't too accurate. I believe he
meant to write "it looks best
with a 3d card that only runs in
software mode because my Satanic
disco approach to lighting will
melt the RAM off your TNT2."
MAP: This map is laid out in
some semi-symmetric layout, kind
of like a really screwed up pool
table, only there's no balls in
this map. Haha, get it? Screw you.
"My first lift" is placed
somewhere near the middle of the
map, and when it rises up, it goes
a little too high and crushes you
against the ceiling. Cool!
have been littered all over the
map like little colored sprinkles.
Every terribly lit hallway goes
straight forward, connecting to
another demonic hallway that intersects
at a 90 degree angle to it. Whee!
hue of the rainbow is represented
in this monster, all you have to
do is keep running through the hallways
and you'll eventually feel as if
you just crawled through the anus
of somebody that ate a few pounds
of gummy bears and ammo. Ooh la
a main room in the middle that has
a bit more space than the cramped
hallways, but there's some gigantic
color war going on in it and you
should strap on sunglasses before
entering. The purples appear to
be trying to establish independence
from the greens, with the blue army
trapped in between warring factions.
I'll update you folks on the progress
of this epic battle. Oh boy!
It ain't fun! I know you readers
out there were expecting something
along the lines of "Fuck Q3A,
fuck Unreal Tournament, grab jonpowdm2
and you'll be in FPS bliss!"
but I just can't bring myself to
that level of sarcasm yet. Maybe
one day I'll be able to look a person
in the eye and say without laughing
to death that a map like this could
be fun on a LAN, but I've got a
long way to go until that happens.
map is essentially a series of long,
multicolored digestive tracts, so
the gameplay suffers just a bit.
If you actually play this map and
walk down these hallways, your eyes
suffer just a bit. The network that
hosts Jon Power's website suffers
just a bit.
FACTOR: Whee, it's small. Whee,
its lighting offends Jesus. Hooray,
the lift will crush you to death
against the ceiling. The pure level
of fun this map generates rivals
the time I drank all that Jack Daniels
and wound up in the drainage ditch
covered with a milky white layer
BOTTOM LINE: Fuck Q3A, fuck
Unreal Tournament, grab jonpowdm2
and you'll be in - HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!
Sorry, I knew I wouldn't be able
to pull it off. Although I'm sure
Jon Powers pulls it off every night.
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to
-10 (painfully terrible). Total
score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the
worst piece of shit you'll ever