case you forget the name of
the map and mistakenly believe
you're in the "Crap Arena",
this sign helpfully reminds
you otherwise. Notice the
two megahealths right next
to each other. Nice.
Quake3 Arena, Cranky Steve's got
Koi Arena! Q3A's got nothing on
this baby, except maybe superior
gameplay. And better graphics. And
decent item placement. And walls
that don't disappear when you walk
away from them. And a coherent,
sane design. But other than that,
Koi Arena kicks ass!
No text file, as this bugger was
sent to me by somebody that requested
anonymity. Surprisingly enough,
this was the first file that was
sent to ol' Cranky Steve where the
guy wanted to have his name withheld.
I would've figured that almost anybody
submitting maps to me would like
to be distanced as far away as possible
from these man-made disasters, but
this was the first person so far.
yeah, the author has shrewdly elected
to write his name on the wall, the
hallmark of good mapmaking everywhere.
I can't leave that out.
MAP: Well, Koi Arena is an arena
much like the way "Ernest Saves
Christmas" is a film; just
by the loosest definition of the
word. Koi Arena is big, which I
guess makes it kinda like an arena.
Koi Arena has bright lights, which
many arenas do. But then again,
Koi Arena has walls which vanish
when you walk away from them. It
also has crates randomly placed
on the bottom floor and it surrounded
by lava for some unknown reason.
I think that the whole "crate
and lava" idea is wonderful
and should be ported over to real
arenas. I can just picture it now:
"Elvis Grbac drops into the
shotgun formation. The hike is up,
Grbac swings left and arches to
throw a pass to Andre Rison-"
"Oh no! Rison has fallen
into the lava moat surrounding the
field! Oh the humanity, I can hear
his screaming all the way up here!"
Quake 2 crates (tm) really
add the finishing touch to
"My lord! The offensive lineman,
on their way to help Rison out of
the lava, have tripped over the
crates littering the field! I can
see their leg bones sticking out
through their uniforms! Oh, the
humanity, somebody push them into
the nearby megahealths, which are
up on the catwalks for some odd
"Why the hell is it so bright
It was fun! Sure, the map is ugly
as hell and has no logical weapon
/ item placement, but it was so
bad it was actually enjoyable. When
a player spawns on the bottom floor,
they can only get up and to the
weapons by climbing a long ladder,
making them a sitting duck. I had
railed The Forgetful Lumberjack
9 times in a row before he could
get a weapon. Of course, once he
spawned on the top floor and got
a railgun, I was dead meat, but
until that point I thought I was
some pretty hot shit. I coulda'
been a contender...
FACTOR: Surprisingly high. I
would actually play this map if
it weren't for the fact that I have
better things to do, like... uh...
review shittier maps.
BOTTOM LINE: Sure it looks ugly,
but looks aren't everything. But
in this case, they're still a big
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to
-10 (painfully terrible). Total
score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the
worst piece of shit you'll ever