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2.28.2000: Cranky Steve - UT CTF: "Aquarium"
The outdoor courtyard is about 50,000 yards of pure running action!

Reviewed By: Cranky Steve

Game Mode Supported: CTF
Overuse of Colored Lighting: Yes
Spelling Errors in Text File: No
Pain Level: Asphyxiation via Richard Simmon's thighs.

Download Here (1.1 megs)





AT A GLANCE: Most people associate aquariums with small tanks full of fish and water. In this map, "aquarium" means "a huge fucking box with plants that causes your framerate to drop to fractional values".

DESCRIPTION: Here ya go, straight from the text file:

A large CTF map of an abandoned and abused city first UT map, built from scratch. I'm sure i did a lot wrong, but heck, it works! :)

"Abandoned", no. In case the author didn't realize it, most UT maps are for people to fight inside of. "Abused", yes. He has abused all UT maps in general by creating this FPS-munching disease of a map. Another case of "my first map", where the author decided to publicly distribute it all over the Internet.

Another shot of the map in action. Can you feel the excitement?

THE MAP: The map can be broken into two areas: the long, twisty, 1,000 miles of intestinal hallway underground, and the huge football field of space above. Either area sucks and will drop your framerate faster than a lead balloon. The hallways below ground stretch on for what seems like forever, often heading off to random directions or to elevator lifts that shoot you a few miles up. Once you get to the top level, it doesn't get much better. There's a wide open area of dead space where snipers will have a field day targeting you. This is because it apparently is "cool" to have a fucking airport runway of empty ground in between flags. There's nothing more fun than being riflebait for the 20 minutes it takes to get from one base to the other. Did I mention that the "aquarium" has no point other than to kill your CPU? Probably not, so let me mention it again: the "aquarium" has no point other than to kill your CPU.

GAMEPLAY: If you ever have the patience to get to the damn flag, you'll be gunned down trying to escape. Don't even bother trying to go below surface, you'll invariably get lost and end up cold and afraid, like Travis Walton after he had a few alien probes shoved up his ass.

FUN FACTOR: If I had the CPU which could support the 512 bots that would maybe balance this map out, it might be fun. No wait, it still wouldn't.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Spend the extra ten bucks and buy your own aquarium. Fill it with water and stare at it for a few hours. Top it off with a kick to the crotch, and you'll be good to go.

- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 3
Gameplay: - 8
Item placement: - 6
Layout: - 8
Detail: - 5
TOTAL: - 28

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).

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