Front Page
   Ask Jeff K
   Awful Links
   Backyard Love
   Clan Hell
   Deeper Looks
   Fake SA
   Kid's Korner
   Legal Threats
   Len's Law
   Reviews - Games
   Reviews - Movies
   ROM Pit
   State Og



   Bjrnar B.
   Cliff Yablonski
   Cranky Steve
   Jeff K.
   Leonard Crabs
   Planet Sandy
   SA Turban
   The Stile Project
   Penny Arcade
   Geist Magazine
   Old Man Murray
   Portal of Evil
   Troma Films

   Blues News
   The Shuga Shack

2.28.2000: Cranky Steve - UT CTF: "Battle][Stations"
It's the miracle acrylic bubble corridors that make crap a reality!

Reviewed By: Cranky Steve

Game Mode Supported: CTF
Overuse of Colored Lighting: Yes
Spelling Errors in Text File: No
Pain Level: Snorting raw Drano through a straw.

Download Here (908 k)





AT A GLANCE: A long, disjointed series of plastic tubes connect trapezoidal rooms to each other. There's some other crap scattered all over the map, including random teleporters that transport you to no place in particular, but it's the tubes that will always lurk in the back of my mind like vultures circling a clown's carcass. There seems to be a lot of maps sites that have given this level a good rating, and I can't for the life of me figure out WHY. It's an absolutely awful map with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, except for the fact that once I deleted it from my harddrive, I found that my penile erection problem seemed to vanish.

DESCRIPTION: There isn't much to say about the text file, except that the author is obviously a l33t haX0r. Check this out:

Title : tt|e][ttns
Author : rw Vg

Jeff K., eat your stupid little heart out. It's good to know that if you honestly attempted to pronounce the guy's name like he wrote it, you'd be making a series of random choking noises. This accurately describes his map as well. It's poetic justice or something.

Here's another bonus: invisible floors. Yay.

THE MAP: There's two bizarre bases, separated by a large rock. The bases have hamster-tube like passageways which go in every random direction. Some have floors, some don't. That's the benefit of being an idiot, you really don't mind making maps that lack floors. You also get to ride in the front of the short bus. This map confuses any bots you attempt to put on it, and they'll immediately try to escape or commit suicide. Yup, this map is so bad that even the bots are afraid to go in.

GAMEPLAY: Run around until either you die or your computer begins to smoke and shut off. The map is so large, and has so many tiny plastic hallways, you'll almost never have to worry about seeing a player from the other team. And, if you do, the odds are that he'll be too busy weeping to fight back.

FUN FACTOR: I could conceivably see this map being fun if you enjoy abusing narcotics. I'd advise all you heroin addicts to download it right away. Watch out for the giant fire-breathing chicken.

THE BOTTOM LINE: This map lacks quality. Mr. rw Vg must have paid off the other map sites to give this POS a rating above 0. If you have reviewed this map and didn't think it was terrible, please email me and explain what narcotics you're on so I can share them.

- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 5
Gameplay: - 9
Item placement: - 6
Layout: - 7
Detail: - 4
TOTAL: - 31

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play)

Email LowtaxSearch Something AwfulMain Page