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6.21.2000: Cranky Steve - UT Assault: "Office Works"
Man, just like at work!

Author: TaroT
Reviewed By:
Cranky Steve
Game Mode Supported: Assault
Overuse of Colored Lighting: No
Spelling Errors in Text File: Believe it
Pain Level:
Being skullfucked by every member of N' Sync.

Download Here (1.6 megs)

AT A GLANCE: This map is supposed to be some kind of interoffice warfare thing, where two opposing companies want to destroy each other for an unknown reason. It's not very realistic though, because if any employees actually worked in buildings like the ones in the map, they'd want to shoot themselves before bothering to go after anybody else.

Hello, welcome to my office / very large rabbit cage.

DESCRIPTION: Well all you available ladies out there, mapmaking sensation Tarot (Mark Benton) is a 35 year old male from Australia who likes making boxes and abusing proper English grammar! Here's a bit from his bio, just to turn ya on:

This is my office lvl what ive wanted to do for along time get a big ass nuke and cry havoc hehee...theres a few surprises but basically open warfare...good lvl for a few players but hard to control th me also the bots just hate the lift so if you botmatch use the nasty bots..they may fair better this is the assault version its big and nasty

If you're looking for an Australian gent who was voted "Mostly Likely to Bring an Assault Weapon and Mow Down the People by the Water Cooler", search no further, Mark Benton is your man! Mike also enjoys prefab cars, lifts that don't quite work correctly, and making maps that are about as realistic as a Jeff K. drawing. So hurry up now, ladies, and win a dream date with Mark Benton! You won't regret it, unless if you actually win!

If this is the inside of the office, no wonder America's productivity is dropping like a lead balloon.

THE MAP: Well, there's, uh, a couple big buildings on either side of a concrete tunnel. For your convenience, both buildings are exactly the same, and don't really look anything like office buildings (unless you work in a gigantic box with concrete walls and a malfunctioning elevator that tries to kill you). The goal of the assault mission is quite complex ("destroy some box on the top floor of the opposing office"), and it may require you to play it a few dozen times before you're able to remember the specifics.

As I mentioned before, there's a lot of boxes. In fact, everything in the map is a box. If that wasn't enough (and it most certainly is), floor textures are used on the walls and wall textures are used on the floors. This is probably because the map author think he is "creative" or at least "more intelligent than your average package of Slim Jims." The inside of the "office buildings" is a bunch of red carpet and randomly placed walls that serve absolutely no purpose, except to annoy you and make you wonder what kind of fucked up office this guy lives in. I would've naturally assumed that if the guy was modeling a map after the place he spends his entire day in, it would be all white and have padded walls. Maybe governmental cutbacks have changed everything, I don't know.

GAMEPLAY: Bots don't like using the doors. Bots don't like using the elevator. Bots don't like spawning. The bots, much like dogs or psychic babies, are able to sense danger and refuse to tread any further. If you are somehow able to blackmail another human into playing this map, they will more than likely react the same way. I think that this reflects excellent bot coding work on Epic's part, and Tim Sweeny should probably be given a gigantic raise.

FUN FACTOR: Perhaps if you dig abstract renderings of "offices", you might find this fun. If you've got a box fetish, this map might be for you. Maybe people in the Mark Benton Fan Club will dig this. I, myself, wasn't too partial to this map, and can remember particular episodes of "The Wonder Years" that were more entertaining than this.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Folks, it's being reviewed on Cranky Steve's Haunted Whorehouse. Need I say more?

- Cranky Steve

Category: Rating:
Aesthetics: - 8
Gameplay: - 9
Item placement: - 6
Layout: - 7
Detail: - 8
TOTAL: - 38

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play)

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