are two buttons. If you press them, they disappear
into the wall. They don't seem to do anything
other than that, unfortunately.
Danger Room, as in "Danger, you're about
"Danger Room" gives new meaning to the phrase
"single player Quake 2 maps". Now it means
"a really crappy large room with one repeated texture,
no shading, and so many enemies that you'll overflow
in a matter of seconds."
The "Danger Room" has such a perfect name.
This map is fucking dangerous. It'll crash even the
most powerful of workstations with it's endless supply
of enemies. The author claims this map is "SP and
DM gameplay for anyone self destructive enough to play!",
which about sums it up. You'd have to really hate yourself
and your body to sit through a game of the "Danger
Room". Although the author also claims the map
took him "30+" hours, I really can't see how
this was possible unless he counted the amount of time
it took him to inhale enough industrial solvent to make
this map enjoyable. This was almost as bad as "The
Gallery", but luckily it lacked any colored
lights. Or any lighting at all, as the author also writes
"I have NO idea why but I couldn't get the lights
to work at all so the whole thing is like some throw
back to the DOOM era", although I don't remember
maps sucking this hard back in the Doom era. Then he
makes a desperate plea, "If you want to add lighting
then PLEASE DO! Just give me some credit for whipping
it up in the first place. Oh and try to use alot of
colored light, LONG LIVE 3DFX!" Yeah, colored lighting
would just save this map, long live 3DFX.
the hell is the deal with idiot mapmakers and colored
lighting? It's like they know their map bites wind,
yet they think by throwing colored lighting all over
the fucking place, the map will magically turn into
something in the q2dmx series. Get this through your
head guys, colored lighting is like spiking punch with
Everclear. Sure, if you do it in small doses it can
be great, but if you go balls out, you're gonna make
MAP: Ummmmmm, it's terrible. You spawn in a little
"+" shaped hallway, and depending on which
direction you go, you walk over a different colored,
sheared crate top that's sticking out of the floor for
no readily apparent reason. Each crate will give you
a different message, something along the lines of "You
chose the pussy difficulty setting you pussy" or
"You're a real man, you chose the mad dog setting!"
The difference in difficulty settings can be summed
up in this easy-to-use chart:
10,000 soldiers on screen at once.
soldiers and every boss
soldiers, 10 of every boss, the prefrab tiny ships
fly across the screen, random explosions / lava,
game overflows in under two seconds.
me folks, when the game overflows, it's be like a breath
of fresh air. Kind of like the governor appealing your
death sentence at the last moment.
first starting up this map, I was impressed by the low
r_speeds, as they seemed to average between 40-90. I
thought, "hey, this map is ugly as a Delta Burke
porno, but at least it runs fast." Then I warped
into the actual "Danger Room", and the pain
took over from there. R_speeds went up so high, they
began getting into purely theoretical numbers. Maybe
he tried to balance that out by repeating one goddammed
texture all over the map, I don't know. But the end
result is something just awful to the eyes and the CPU.
yeah, I really loved it when the prefab spaceship made
an appearance and flew across the screen, just to disappear
into the wall. That was a stroke of genius, the cherry
on top of the ice cream sunday that is "The Danger
Room." I started screaming like a schoolgirl when
I saw that tiny ship make it's way across the screen
while hundreds upon thousands of Strogg troopers tried
to kill me. It was even more exciting than the time
I looked in the mirror and realized my ass had stopped
I wouldn't wish this map upon my worst enemies, much
less the Forgetful Lumberjack. Plus I think he's been
playing goddammed Everquest all day, camping magical
boots or some lame shit like that.
FACTOR: None to be found. If somebody can find anything
remotely fun about this map, make sure to inform me,
I can't find anything even remotely fun or redeeming
in this abomination.
BOTTOM LINE: I would like to create a time machine
and travel back in time to give the author's parents
birth control. This map is the worst.
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible).
Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece
of shit you'll ever play).