Gameplay gets a little less fluid when there's a big fucking rock wall in the middle of the hallway.

The sequel to the incredibly painful "AEons's Cyber Arena" is back and with a vengance.

DESCRIPTION: "Shake ][" is based off a pre-existing map, Daniel Rammelt's "Shake 2", for Quake. AEon asked old Danny if he could use his map for a base, and Danny, against all better judgement, agreed. This map is a maze of claustraphobic hallways, rooms, tubes, lava, and misaligned textures. The map is 2.7 megs of orange walls and hallways built for three foot tall midgets.

THE MAP: Uh... I have no idea. It's a bunch of hallways that lead every which way, some into rooms, some into lava, some into tubes. Stairs and ladders go to cramped, tight areas with random weapons scattered around them. Spawn points are placed on top of tall pillars, surrounded by lava. As far as I can tell, the theme behind this map is "a bunch of stuff thrown into one bsp". I guess it'd be different if the map wasn't almost 3 megs in size, but after waiting that long for this crapfest, it definitely was a letdown. Not as bad as AEon's Cyber Arena though, so I guess that's good.

GAMEPLAY: I was able to blackmail The Forgetful Lumberjack into playing this map with me by threatening to release the pictures of him, the goat, and RonCo's "Pocket Fisherman" to the public. The Forgetful Lumberjack made many constructive comments about this map, which I think AEon could take to heart:

"I enjoyed spawning on the pillar and falling into the lava."

"I liked the health layed into the zigzag pattern, it was cute. I think."

"I believe the invulnerability's placement in the lava was a stroke of genius."

Lava and brown tubes, does it get much better than this?

We played 2 on 2 and didn't encounter each other once until we coordinated a meeting point. That's should give you a good indication of how fun this map is. If you ever agree to deathmatch somebody much better then yourself, choose this map. By the time he finds you, all of his will to live will have been sapped and he'll be an easy kill. Assuming you can both put up with playing this map for 40 minutes.

FUN FACTOR: Do you like lava? Do you like being cramped? I sure as hell don't, and rank this map up there with getting my teeth chiseled out by a drunk plumber while an obese woman is hacking at my legs with a rusty saw.

THE BOTTOM LINE: It's better than AEon's Cyber Arena, but that's kind of like saying "Bob Saget is funnier than Howie Mandel".

- Cranky Steve

Individual ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50 (the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).