outside courtyard... let's zoom in for a
has it all. If you're looking for one map that
touches on everything you shouldn't do,
this is it.
Erik16 is described by the author as "...a
fort with an underground warehouse."
Apparently the author considers gigantic pyramids
and outhouses with windows to be forts, because
those are the only things outside. And the "underground
warehouse"? A series of large rooms lit like
something from disco hell. Oh wait, I forgot the
crappy mapper's creed: "If the map sucks,
keep throwing colored lights at it until your
monitor begins to smoke." This map succeeds
where every other previous Cranky Steve map has
failed; it has just about each and every undesirable
element in. Sure, notoriously bad maps like "The
Danger Room" lacked awful colored lighting
and pussbags like "AEon's
Cyber Arena" really missed out on horrible
texture alignment, but this map, I am proud to
say, succeeds in failing in all aspects of map
design. This is a truly momentous occasion.
back to the map description. As it continues,
the author claims "Several parts were
quite inspired but the rest is very bland. Oh
well. Fun level." I think Erik has an
inferiority complex or something, as I was hard
pressed to find any area that was "bland".
Well, except the outside. And the "warehouses"
downstairs. And the secret maze room. And... well,
now that I think about it, Erik was right. Except
about the "fun" part, I'm still looking
for that. Maybe it got corrupted when the file
was zipped up or something.
MAP: You spawn in a huge pyramid. This is
supposedly a fortress. I think a gigantic pyramid
that lacks doors and has four entrances (all of
which you have to crouch to enter or leave through)
would make a great fort. If the US would've built
more structures like these during the Vietnam
War, we would've definitely cleaned up over there.
There are four outhouses in each corner of the
map, undoubtedly prefabs plopped into this map
in a matter of seconds. Erik chooses to expand
upon the "orange and brown" theme he
developed in his "Erik#" series, and
it works well in this map. Unless you have any
semblance of taste, that is.
the "fortresses" is a whole new land,
the exciting and wonderful world of colored lighting.
I guess they're supposed to be "warehouses"
according to the text description, but I pity
da' fools that have to work in warehouses with
the conditions here. Magenta lighting placed next
to neon green, lava streams, doors the shape of
things I've thrown up... it's a hell down there.
Speaking of the doors, they're all either fucked-up
triangles (tm) or fucked-up circles(tm). There
is a bonus room below, some sort of ugly-ass maze
that's about the size of a walk in closet and
has three BFG launchers in it. Now that's weapon
The Forgetful Lumberjack was more than thrilled
to play another map in the "Erik#" series.
When I first said, "Hey dipshit, fire up
Quake 2 and join my server, I've got another Erik
map on tap" he began to weep. They were tears
of joy, no matter what he says to the contrary.
Many exciting comments were shouted by The Forgetful
Lumberjack when we deathmatched through this monstrosity.
Here were some of the highlights:
that lava? Or a carpet?" (Sounds of his player
burning) "Ah, ok."
this guy can't even align the textures on the
Quake 2 crates (tm)!"
the hell is going on here?"
would be great for about 16-32 players, as the
map's pretty fucking huge. But need I remind you
that there will never be 16-32 players that coexist
at one point in time that would agree to play
FACTOR: Thrill as you see even the
most simple of Quake 2 crates (tm) lack properly
aligned textures! Shudder as you enter
the "Fortress of Doom" through the "Doors
Built for Fucked Up Midgets"! Be amazed
by the horrors of "Disco Hell"! Cringe
during the BFG wars you'll have in the approximately
eight cubic feet of space down in the maze! Pray
for Erik's misguided soul!
BOTTOM LINE: All you aspiring mapmakers take
a quick look at this map. It's so bad, it's good.
I can't really come down too hard on this one,
as it does everything wrong so perfectly. Great
ratings go from 0 (bearable) to -10 (painfully
terrible). Total score goes from 0 (ok) to -50
(the worst piece of shit you'll ever play).