I'm Gonna Serve You 4

Hair bow or kite accident, you be the judge.Game Concept: "I'm Gonna Serve You 4" is a doorway into the sexually charged life of Koji, who you help guide through a tangled web of relationships to one foam-spraying orgasm after another. The game begins with Koji pondering his experiences throughout high school and the difficulties he has had with the final exams. He meets up with long time friend Himeko, or as like to call her, "The Bow Freak". In addition to possessing all of the usual freakish traits of a hentai game girl, Himeko has a bow roughly the same size as a deployed parachute. She looks like the Goblin-headed truck from "Maximum Overdrive" trying to stop while drag racing. She also obviously has a crush on Koji.

Koji and Himeko head off together through the town towards their houses, which are next door to each other. They pause to discuss something entirely inane while in the middle of the city and Koji saves Himeko's life by shoving her out of the way of an oncoming car. Koji is not so fortunate and in a scene almost as touching as the alleyway fight from "They Live", Koji loses consciousness from the critical injuries he has sustained while Himeko looks on. When Koji awakes he finds himself in a strange hospital in California being attended by a sassy blonde nurse who looks more like a scientist. After a month of recovery passes in the hospital that is not a hospital, the blonde nurse Alice gobbles Koji's babbling brook and rides him to good health. I know after my knee surgery I was mounted by a buxom nurse to ensure I was ready to limp out of the hospital on crutches. Sure it ruptured all of the stitches and caused internal hemorrhaging, but that's the price you pay for adequate medical service.

The following day Koji returns to Japan to convalesce only to find that he will be staying with his uncle Ryosuke, his attractive female cousin Takano, The Bow Freak, and two other kooky dames named Leo and Chizuru. All of them work at the restaurant run by Koji's uncle and all of them are dead set on seeing Koji back in tip top shape and well-sexed.

Broke a deal, spun the wheel.The interactive mechanics of the game are fairly limited, even by hentai game standards, but I actually appreciate the way they work. Each day consists of a "selected" portion of narrative book ended by two default portions of narratives. You select what the custom portion will be by picking which of the four girls you want Koji to focus his attention on for the day. There are a handful of times where you also choose a conversation branch, but these are very limited and thanks to the (much appreciated) hint system, you know exactly what the effect of each choice will be. As the story progresses if you've been spending enough time with one particular girl the "final chapter" of her story will begin to unfold for you. In nearly every case this involved a "surprise" twist that was usually either extremely forced or so ridiculous and unexpected it bordered on wacky.

For my first run through this relatively long game I chose to spend my time getting to know Takano, Koji's strangely grey-haired and slightly nerdy cousin. After a few days of scarcely interactive wooing my first sassy encounter with Takano was a nappy-time handjob mishap involving the delicious-sounding Chizuru. The gals decided to take a peak under the hood of Koji's blanket and found a throbbing surprise waiting within. Being inquisitive gals they took the old Chibi Sausage out for a spin around Palm Drive that ended in a tragic explosion that shocked all parties involved. Sure, his prematurely grey cousin just beat him off, but neither Koji nor I was particularly surprised by this turn of events. After all, cousin fucking is pretty mild by hentai standards. On the following day Himeko and Takano joined forces to parody mother birds by feeding Koji strawberries using their mouths. I'm not sure how being naked save for aprons factored into their little avian role-play scenario, but they went ahead with it anyhow.

This image is lacking a blood-gushing nose and a huge sweat drop.Things began to really heat up around day five when a trip to the park lead to a tender and amazingly non-sexual moment between Takano and Koji that hinted at her…uh…unusual parentage. Following hot on the heels of this magical encounter was an erotic costume fashion show and a naked sponge bath, both involving all four of Koji's submissive suitors.

Soon after this Takano and Koji finally consummated their budding incestuous relationship. I realized two things from this exchange of various illustrated bodily fluids. The first thing I realized was that hentai game writers/translators need to stop using the phrase "soaring cock" before I murder them. Almost every sex sequence in almost every hentai game refers to an erection as a "soaring cock". First of all roosters are basically flightless and certainly incapable of anything that could be considered "soaring". Assuming the term "cock" was intended purely as a direct reference to the giant exposed penis on the screen at the time - which I think is a fair assumption - I consider the phrase evidence that Japanese people have a less thorough understanding of human biology than I do. Contrary to what they would have you believe, the only way a penis would be soaring would be if it were cut off and tied to an airplane or helicopter. Or possibly if you were sunbathing naked on your back and a Bald Eagle mistook your raging hard on for some sort of nervous prairie dog, swooped down and tore your penis off, and then flew high into the sky to proudly ride the invisible swirling currents.

The second thing I realized from this sex scene is that "I'm Gonna Serve You 4" has the worst "invisible penis" technique I've ever seen. Most hentai games either make the penis totally invisible, which I admit is somewhat disconcerting at times, or they use the infamous "glow cock" or "shaft of light". "I'm Gonna Serve You 4" has opted to use the "emerging genital worms" technique. As you can plainly see, Koji's comically huge penis has been replaced by a series of red uterus worms emerging from Takano's vulva. The last thing anyone should want to picture when trying to masturbate to terrible cartoons is a terrible cartoon with a severe case of womb parasites. They mean it when they say not to drink un-softened water Takano!

Elf ears?! Well, I never!Near constant sex and a few revelations about Takano's parents were sprinkled over the next few days. A trip to the park that included Takano obsessively telling Koji to eat ended with a dramatic flash of Takano with fairy wings and an unearthly glow. After another session of the old in-and-out Koji's uncle revealed that he wasn't Takano's father after all. Her real father was unknown, but her mother was a powerful fairy sorceress thing…or…something like that. As the inane background got increasingly convoluted my eyes glazed over and I started to think about how I was going to die. Fun fact: 9 out of 10 suicides can be directly linked to playing hentai games.

Things started getting pretty weird soon after the stunning cat was let out of the confusing bag by Koji's uncle. First Takano sprouted elf ears and then she started glowing when Koji had sex with her. Koji and Takano's romance continued to grow despite the slight abnormalities. An incredibly long interlude without any input from me followed, including another even more glowy sex scene and numerous confessions of true love. Unfortunately, Takano had some sort of date with the gay and glowy reaper and was not long for that particular hentai world. In a touching sequence she is pulled into the fairy realm, but Koji refuses to let go of her hand and he pulls her back into the real world so they can be together forever. Or at least until he is reunited with the ghost of his mom or his long lost sister and decides to have sex with her.

Following the credits I got a brief sepia-toned scene from Takano's perspective that showed what she felt and said while Koji was in America recovering from his critical injuries. When you finish the various storylines different version of this sequence is included after the credits for each of the girls, providing you with about as much insight into their character and motivations as glancing at the censored screenshots on the back of the case would.

And they lived magically ever-after!Difficulty: Wonderfully easy. Despite how long this game is, it was a breeze to review compared to many other hentai titles thanks to the hint feature, which tells you exactly which choices to pick to successfully complete storylines. Don't let me exaggerate; the game is not excruciatingly long in one play through. There are some very tedious portions in each of the four storylines, the fact that each of the four girls can provide you with an almost totally different story and set of options make it one of the most time consuming I've played. With the assistance of the hint option and the fast forward dialogue option for the second, third, and fourth characters I was able to totally finish the game in around five hours.

Defining Moment: I'm going to have to go with the car wreck at the beginning. I know this may sound like an upset victory for "car wreck at the beginning", but in many ways it sets the tone for "I'm Gonna Serve You 4". It shows the boundless nobility of Koji, how ridiculously fawning all of the female characters are towards him, and most importantly the saccharine and melodramatic story twists this game tends to favor in between hardcore groin worm sequences and hilariously non-hilarious comic relief.

Final Thoughts: "I'm Gonna Serve You 4" is, in essence, the ultimate realization of years of generic hentai game evolution. It lacks the fusion attempts of titles like "Brave Soul" or "Viper Para Dice". There isn't a trace of the strategy of games like "True Love" or "Maid's Story". What there is in this game is the refinement of dozens of really basic lessons learned from any number of hardly-interactive story-driven hentai games. These are things the hentai developers should have picked up on by about 1998, but for whatever reason this is the first game to combine all of the positive elements into a single package. I appreciate the amount of effort that went into the heavily divergent story paths, I appreciate the hint system, and I appreciate the lack of time-consuming scavenger hunts through locations. This is not a good game by any stretch of the imagination, but you're stuck in the wrong genre if you're looking for good games from the world of hentai. No, "I'm Gonna Serve You 4" is definitely bad, but it's also probably the best you're going to get.